Keeper.

How do i breathe - Mario.

2009-06-12T19:03:00.002+08:00

Another song title. Hahaha. Yah. I know. You're tired of reading my entries just because, it's all about him. Remember, you're on my page. Leave if you don't like either. :)

I wonder how true is true love?

Yes. Is the adjective true enough? Maybe a little less, a little more. True love never surrenders. True love never complains. It might get tired but a little rest is enough to love again at its best. It always finds a way to understand.

I wonder why I can't seem to let him go. Even if the world gives us so many reasons to give up, one reason is enough to make us stay. It's the lifetime happiness, the assurance we have after all. I want to stay. Stay enough for good.

As early as now, sorry for all the things. Dun sa sinayang kong love mo. Nung binalewala ko dati yun. Remember, twice na kita nasaktan. Pero you're still here with me. Thank you for always being there, for not giving me up.

I love you much much much much ney.

My one and only.

2009-06-11T18:02:00.006+08:00

The title itself was a song. Nahihilig ata ako sa mga song title. :)

5 more days and I'll start the ayoko-pang-mag-aral thing, my college life. Yes. I have my plans as anyone do. Thinking if my first year will be tough or so I say. I will just reminisce something from somewhere. Okay. The drama will start, close your eyes now.

How are you going to live when your life was almost about him? How are you going to endure every single moment knowing he won't be there?

The time when we used to go to school together. Hahaha. Nakakatawa yung unang beses na yun and I think, huli na din. Ambilis mong maglakad kasi wala ka pang assignment sa Physics.

How I criticize other people and he would just agree with me. Hahaha. Yah. We're too bad. Siya lalo. :)

The way he saves me from the hell math and physics subject of ours.

How he go wild when I smile. Yes. Wild.

Sit next to each other after eating our lunch with our friends. Dun kna magkkwento ng mga chismis sakin.

That I know his friendster password and even his Yahoo account.

The way we sing together.

The way we laugh even at our corniest jokes.

How impatient I am when we had our Physics assignment and he'd volunteer to do it for me.

The way he treats me like a child.

How bad I miss us when it's raining.

How he doesn't want to see me with other boys because he's too afraid he might lose me. Boy. Sa'yo lang ako. Prames :D

The way he holds my hand and doesn't want to let go.

When people look strange at me because I'm pinching his nose.

How I can tell him everything and anything. Even my red alert. :)

How he looks like a kid when he says sorry.

How cute he is when he is mad.

How we fight our views into something and realizing that it's non sense and all that we know is, we love each other.

How he compare his high grades with mine. Hahaha. I know. Ikaw na. :)

That I still trust him no matter how negligent he gets.

When things get a little between the two of us, and the best way to escape is to eat and eat and we're fine.

When I'm too scared of the pain, but he always keeps me up and willing to stand up for me.

That no matter how many times we hurt each other I know that my sanctuary is still in his arms, in my home.

How he used to be my hero, my angel and my sweetest sin.

The whole year we've spent in Building A Room 12.

I miss everything.

I can wait forever

2009-06-08T18:37:00.004+08:00

The title of this post was the song Kim once GM-ed to his friends even to me. Simple Plan once did it as a hit. :)

Okay. I think this post was before and after his arrival. Err. Reminiscing. I hate doing that thing.

"Do you ever miss him?"
"Every day, every minute."

I feel a weird combination of freedom and despair. Freedom. Yes, I have a complete one. I can do everything without asking for his permission. But the loyalty, the faithfulness and the love I promise to last with him forever, always change my mind. He always says to me, " Ney, kung ayaw mo na sakin, sige lang ha. Naiintindihan ko naman e. mahirap tong sitwasyon natin." But the mere fact that I can, never change my mind. I am responsible for who and what will I become, and I will do it as though a I have my free will. Despair. It's something like this:

" I won't ever leave you even if you're always leaving me."
" But I never want to leave you."

Yung 1 1/2 days nya dito, ambilis. Parang isang oras lang. Gusto kong magreklamo, umiyak, magsumbong, pero wala kong magagawa. Hay. Isang malalim na paghinga. Magisa nanaman. Wala nanaman sya.

"don't be critical about love. lahat yan mei tamang oras at tamang panahon. ngayon, magtiis muna tayo. pagkatpos neto, habangbuhay na."

he wrote that in his letter. nung nabasa ko, nabuhayan ako ng loob. nakakaiyak. nakakamiss. ang masakit, wala kang magawa. pero meron na pala. ansarap isipin na kaya pala sya nagtagal dun, kasi binigyan mo sya ng lakas ng loob. tiwala lang ney. makikita mo :)

Ay. Yesterday was our 3rd monthsary. Wee. We're together and I'm happy. I've touched those cheeks again and I lean on the same shoulder after a long time. Haha. Talo ka. You did it again. You first did it and I never insists you to do so. Anyways, namiss ko yun. Next labster's day again huh? Promise? :D

I want to go home with you na. I'm waiting until that perfect time comes. I love you so much ney. I'm waiting to see those matabang cheeks of yours. Hahaha. :)

Perfect pair of jeans.

2009-05-30T09:32:00.002+08:00

Bakit ganito pa?

Bakit nagkaganun?

Saan ako nagkamali?

Saan ka nagkulang?

Bakit ko nagawa?

Bakit mo ko hinayaan?

Saan ba nagsimula?

Saan ko tatapusin?

Kaya ko ba?

Kaya mo ba?

Ano bang meron?

Ano bang wala?

Paano ba dapat?

Paano kung ayaw?

Saan ako nagkulang?

Saan ka sumobra?

Sino ba sa inyo?

Sino ba sa kanila?

Kanino ka nga ba?

Kanino nga ba ako?

Bakit?

Bakit tayo?

Wishlist.

2009-05-29T18:42:00.004+08:00

Ever got the feeling of wanting everything and turns out you can't even have one? Yun yung feeling ko ngayon. I want a new phone, an ipod shuffle and even my own digicam. But I can't even have one. :(

Tapos I'm thinking na if I have one, would it made me contented? I just think, no. Human nature na yun. We're still craving for more. Even if everything is on our way. Maybe, this isn't what I wanted after all. Nalulungkot ako para sa sarili ko. Nababadtrip ako sa Nokia Service Center. Err. 5days is too long. No phone at all. Grabe. Thank you kei nanay kasi, kahit papano, pinahiram ako.

Naiiyak na ko sa sobrang dae ng mali sa buhay ko. Sa sobrang dami ng nangyayari. Nung una naman, hindi ganito. :(

Err. Trust. Faith lang. Humihina ata. Cheer up Epi. Hold tight

*sigh*

Nakakamiss.

2009-05-28T17:24:00.006+08:00

E kasi, kanina nagpunta kami ng Marcelo ni Rossel para makakuha ko ng certification na kasama ko sa upper 25% ng graduates ng batch namin. Kasama naman ako e.Upper 5% pa nga. Hahaha. FYI, rank 65 ako over 1978 graduates. Pwede na magyabang. Hahaha :) Pero hindi tungkol dun yung blog ko. Mageemo lang ako ng unti ha :)

Sa pagpasok pa lang sa munting gate ng aking paaralan, iba na yung naisip ko.

Dati, hindi naman ganun yung pasukan, binabaha pa nga yun e. Antaas na ngayon ha.
Dati, hindi ganun ka-approachable yung mga guards. Ngayon, tinulungan pa nila ko makita si Lamberto.
Dati, kahit maraming tao dun, feeling ko safe ako. Ngayon, mukha silang mga *****.
Dati, lahat sila nakauniform. Ngayon, puro sila pormahan. Malamang, maguniform daw ba para lang magenroll.
Dati, lahat ng nakakasalubong ko kakilala ko. Ngayon, kahit isang pagmumukha, hindi ko makilala.

Nagbago na kaagad? Ambilis naman ata.

Habang nasa record section ako kanina, ang gara ng feeling. Parang dati lang, nanghihingi ako ng Form137 kasi kelangan para sa application sa UPCAT, ngayon, iba na yung hinihingi ko. Ambilis noh? Tapos, nakita ko pa si Mam Myrna Dela Cruz yung teacher ko sa General Science nung First year, nakakatouch kasi natatandaan pa niya kami . After mangulit ng mga teacher sa AP, pumunta na kami sa guard para itanong tong bagay na to:

Sel&Epi: Anu po bang kelangan para makapasok kami dito sa GABAG?
Guards(madae kasi sila ) : Letter galing sa teacher in charge.
Sel&Epi: Kei Mam Vivo po?
Guards: Oo. Sa kanya.
Sel&Epi: Ay. Oh sige po. Salamat. Sa susunod na pagkikita na lang ulit.

Dati lang, nangunguna yung section namin sa pagcheer sa apat kong kaklase nun. Ngayon, maglilipat na ng title si James. Kasabay na kaya nun yung pagsasabi na, Porwan, eto na yung huli nyung pagkikita? Wag naman sana. Ayoko.

Habang lumalabas kami ng gate, di ko mapigilang lumingon pabalik. Eto yung lugar na minsan nang naging saksi sa mga kahinaan ko sa buhay. Kasama ko to sa lahat ng achievements. Sa lahat ng happenings. Sa bawat tawa at iyak ng barkada. Yung Building A na tatlong taon kong tinirhan, yung init dun. Yung siksikang classroom. Lahat namimiss ko. Lalo yung mga taong kasama ko sa paghihirap. Sa lahat ng problem sa Physics. Sa lahat ng functions na tinuturo ni Mam Ana. Err. Ang cheesy ko.

Ayun. Nakalabas na ko Marcelo H. del Pilar National High School. Panahon para maggrow mag-isa. Panahon para lumibot pa sa ibang parte ng buhay. :)

Eto na yun, isa na ko sa alumni ng Marcelo. Nangako na nga ako nung graduation e. Habang tinititigan ko, nalulungkot ako lalo. Nakakaiyak pala. Ang hirap nila ilet go. Ang hirap ng malayo sila sa'yo. SILA LANG KASI e! (kasi e?)

Sabi nga nila:

Una - una lang yan!

Sabi ng Porwan:

Sa Reunion ha. Swimming ulit.

Because I love you.

2009-05-27T17:42:00.002+08:00

Oh. Quite sure, I'm not confuse. Please bare with me. :(

Paano na ko?

Hanggang kailan?

Hanggang saan?

Sino kasama ko? Mag-isa lang ba ko? Bat ayaw mo ko samahan?

Errr. Andaya daya mo! Galit tayo. :(

Figures.

2009-05-25T16:41:00.002+08:00

Yes. Yes. But it's not the only thing, it's just one of those. Figures, yes. I'm starting to lose weight. Many people notices that huh? Good job I think :) Second thing, I was happy about the commercial, the feminine wash ba yun? Hahaha. I'm not sure. Yung mei, As I start my forever with him, single Sophia, signing off. True enough na there are people who still believe in forever. And yes, I'm one of those.

Things happen only once. Yes. Kim tried to call me last time, pero hindi ko nasagot. Badtrip kaya yun. Todo effort yun tao, tapos hindi mo nasagot. Naiiyak pa ko nun. Tulog na tulog kasi ko. Err. Sorry ney. :(

And one things for sure, enjoy sa Montalban. Lagi naman e. Hahaha. Kaya gustong gusto kong umuuwi dun. :)

I'm starting to count those days. Sandali na lang. Nandito kna ulit :)

I never chose him, and he never chose me. So how could it be a mistake?

Proficiency Test.

2009-05-18T18:49:00.002+08:00

So, it was a day with my future. We took a test with English and my water loo, Math. We started the test at around 10 am and I finished the first one (English) at 11am. And we took the worst at exactly 1 in the afternoon, and woah, I finished it at 1:30 pm at my clock. Amazing isn't it? If we past the test, Math 17 will be our subject. If we fail the test, there will be a separate subject between College Algebra and Trigonometry which is I think, better. :)

Okay. I was a bit excited about my college plans. Realizations? Subject and Verb agreement, let's meet again. Hahahaha. :)

LBC

2009-05-13T17:35:00.002+08:00

It was just another cheesy story. Hahaha. At 2 in the afternoon (May 13 2009), Mhyla , Yssa and I decided to see each other so that we can sent a letter to them, the Team Marcelo, the MAAP boys. :)

It costs us Php 75.00 to sent a letter to Norvie and Kim. Hahaha. Nagjoke pa kami ni Mhyla,

pagdating nila sisingilin natin sila.

Together with the letter was those three mailing stamps so they can write us back. Haha. Very supportive ang cheerers nila dito sa Bulacan. After that, Mhyla went home, I think while Yssa and I decided to go at BulSU, for a not-so-special-thing. Then we went to Malolos Bayan, we have a hard time finding a cheap converse high cut. Lahat mahal. Hahaha. We gave up, so we ate at Jollibee and we saw Rodolfo there, at the cashier, yung Newton na boyfriend ni Estephanie. Ay. nakita din namin si Rossel and she said to me,

Epi. Ampayat mo. Nagdodroga kba?

Hahaha. Mei epekto naman pala yung pagpapayat ko. Oyeah. :) Ocge. Dito na lang. Masyadong enjoy to. Hahahaha.

LBC will always be the, Hari ng Padala.

Happy Mother's Day.

2009-05-10T20:30:00.004+08:00

Oh. It's May 10 and I want to extend my warmest greetings to every mother I've met and I've known. From my classmates supportive mothers, up to my ever dearest Nanay, let me say my gratitude to everyone. Nene, is her nickname. Leonila, was the given name to her. Yan ang nanay ko. Yan si Nanay Nene. My bestfriend, my first teacher, my first instructor, my personal nurse who never fails to take care of me whenever I'm sick, my counselor, my ever reliable friend, my secret keeper. The one who never fails me inspite of my high standard. She's my mother and I'm proud to be her stalker. We may not be the most bonded atoms, but I know, we will always be the most precious gems of all time. :)

The influence of a good mother is the world's mightiest force in shaping tomorrow's men and women.

Happy second Labsters's Day.

2009-05-07T10:28:00.006+08:00

Woah. Last night, CJ (Chad's boyfriend; currently studying at MAAP) texted me this: Epi? ui. CJ Lim to. received at 8:46 p.m. But I read it at around 10 na. That time, I don't have any load to response from his urgent text message. So, i immediately used the service of the autoloadmax. I replied to him, Ui. CJ. Bakit? But he isn't responding, so I texted Chad to ask her, what the hell happened. She replied to me, mei sulat si Kim. Itetext nya sayo yung nakalagay. Antay ka nlang mmya o kaya bukas. So, I said my gratitude to both of them, for the care and time they've given us. So I slept with my mobile phone. As I woke up, it was around 4 in the morning, there was no text from CJ. So I sleep again. At around 8 in the morning, waah. I have a missed call from CJ. So I hurriedly checked my inbox, two messages from him. Yung sulat na ginawa ni Kim, tinext nya sakin yung laman.

My man is too sweet. Ginawa nya yun para lang batiin ako for our second monthsary. It was so true, that I'm taken by the best. Thank you for giving me this attention. I have a total trust in the idea that we will be together, when both of us is on our best shot. And just because I have no idea what he might be doing, doesn't mean he doesn't care. Who knows? Maybe, he's here with me na. :)

This is all that matters. He's there. I'm here. It doesn't matter how long, as long as he's heart and his love is with me.

Woah.

2009-05-07T10:16:00.002+08:00

Okay. I'll start this blog as happy as it can be. First good thing, i manage to go at Bulacan Polytechnic College. The (put something in here) college in our province. Second thing, I have two new shirts. Thank you Janelle and Joy for the company. Lab ko kayo. :) Third thing, I almost realize that, waaah, tomorrow is our second monthsary. Not that excited. :) Love. Love.

That's all for now.

and you can't help but smile.

2009-05-04T20:41:00.005+08:00

Wait. First, check my Who I Want to Meet section in my Friendster account. Hahaha. I can't help but smile when i see those amazing pictures of ours. We look good together. Somehow, there are some things that bothers my mind whenever I check into my account.

Are those pictures will be chersihed forever? I know, pictures fade, but the memories within it can't. Yun bang, ney, magpicture tayo. ganito pose natin ha. Grabe. At the rooftop of Dory's house, nagpakavain kami. Namimiss ko ang sister group ng CPRANJJ. :)

Will that moving-slash-animated picture will last on that section? Yung tipong di mapapalitan ng ibang tao? Hay. Sana hindi. Sana kaya ko. Sana kaya mo. Sana kaya natin.

I'm taken by the best. caption of my primary picture. Hahaha. Totoo. BEST na sya, of all the men i've met. Nakanaman. Si Kim lang nagsabi sakin na kei arte ko. Na magsuklay ako kasi ang gulo ng buhok ko. Na magpapayat na ko kasi mei nakukurot na sya sa tiyan ko. Na magpakabaet ako, magaral mabuti. Si KIM lang.

Ney, thank you for letting those things happen. Thank you for taking those vain pictures with me. Thank you for giving me and sharing me those good memories we have and we will always cherish. Thank you for loving me as who I am. Thank you for taking care of my healthy heart. Thank you for keeping me safe as always. Thank you for always giving me that limit in everything I do. Thank you for that almost everything. I love you.

Missing

2009-05-01T22:05:00.003+08:00

I'm now off for today's feeling. Ate went home at around 6:30 pm from her OJT at Makati and I miss her a lot. The feeling of missing someone who truly understands you despite of everything. Aww. At 9o'clcok in the evening, Nanay, Ate and I decided to buy an ice cream, the Sorbetes one. After eating, I feel so incomplete. I dunno why. As I was typing this, my mobile phone is ringing very much, woah. 98 text messages since 5 in the afternoon. Waaa. People, don't flood me. I'll read everything later. Hmm. I miss you ney. Come back to me or else. Hahahaha. :)

Dreaming.

2009-05-01T09:45:00.002+08:00

Uh-oh. May1 . We've been apart for almost 2 weeks and I'm used to it. No text messages, no IMs, no sweet compliments and of course, I miss those simple fights with him.

Waa. It's been 4 days since the last post I have here. I miss typing out my emotions here. I'm still reading The Time Traveler's Wife and I'm enjoying every bit of it. As though, you feel the emotions in the story and you're on the scene itself. I dreamt of him, of Kim. I was with my classmates; I enjoy chatting with them, tell stories with them and making myself busy through them. But as I was watching my own dream, I realized Kim is not on the scene, on my ever-happy moment. Why? Is he leaving? Is he giving me up? Those realizations came up when I woke up. Dreams do come true, and I'm wishing this one will not. Sigh. Fighting.

MissKitaKim.

2009-04-26T09:50:00.000+08:00

Was he thinking or even, was he ever realized the joy he made me feel when I’m inside his ever beautiful-amazing universe? He holds me as if I’m precious, a gem, and a treasure. I hate to break your heart; I hate to break any promise. I hate to see you go.

Trust. :)

Happy Fiesta.

2009-04-25T19:11:00.004+08:00

I went to Pio chubaloo(hihi. I dunno the spelling) kanina. Hoho. We ate lotsa lotsa foods. Thanks Tita Elma for such a warm welcome and to Ate Elhanny, love your voice. Hmmm. Kahit di kumpleto CPRANJJ, enjoy pa din. I was at the MiniForest at around 10:15 with Jeric. Early birds kami, and we told each other stories and I realized, namiss ko pala dumaldal ng ganun. I even told him about Kim's new hairstyle, how it looks like, how does it affects me and how does it makes my love for him, goes deeper and stronger. At around, 10:45 Praise came, then so Kenneth, Paeng, Joel, Tihn Mae and Allan. Then, at 11:30, we’re at Nicole’s place. Wala sya dun, nasa binyagan, so we decided to stay at their terrace sa taas. We told each other stories, and they said, they want to see the new Kim. I told them, mukha syang natatae sa picture, mukha syang kawawa dun. So, then follows, the boys played pusoy dos, I don’t really know how to play and win the said game, I told them I am used to tong its. After blah blah hours, minutes of waiting, nandito na si Nicole, so she opened her room, and I logged in my second account in Friendster and they saw the picture. Si Praise, todo react. Haha. Namiss kita Tekla.

So then, we ate. And take self-timer-blurd pictures. Hahaha. Then, we talk a lot. Walang nagbago, ang ingay pa rin namin at si Yaya pa din ang kawawa. We took vain pictures at the terrace and one by one, the boys was our photographer. Love it. And the boys went home, (went to Adolfo) earlier than us. Syempre, to play their life, Hahaha, the DOTA thinggyyy. Praise treats us, Zagu Grande, when we went home, because last April 20 was her birthday. Thank you Praise. I was home at around 5pm. Friends are surely loved.

Of love and meaning.

2009-04-25T19:09:00.000+08:00

Jeric and I texted each other, I should say, I texted him. I miss you Jek. Hoho. Libog. :)

Of all those topics, he let me define my self-true meaning of love.

Grabe. At first, I hardly doubt what to say, I just want to say, love is undefined. But it goes, more or less than that.

Love is when you experience sleepless nights, morning headaches but love is far more than anything else. Love is beyond physical attributes, far from imperfections, that even if he is stubborn and irritating sometimes, I love him to be that way. Love is when I look into his eyes; it is like doorway into the place which I want to be a part forever.

Walang titulo.

2009-04-23T21:24:00.002+08:00

You’re all I think about when I go to bed, and with that, I know, I’m in love with you. When all of my spare time was spent in writing your name in a piece of paper over and over again. Maybe, some people aren’t meant to be in our lives forever, kasi, forevermore ka sakin. :)

You’re here with me, not just passing through, but you’re here, brought me a gift, a blessing and a lesson I need to learn, and I’ll have you forevermore.

It's you.

2009-04-20T20:46:00.000+08:00

I’ve always been in a situation where I just walk and walk without knowing where to go. Hoping that as I walk, I would forget everything I want to forget. Wishing that as I walk away from the place I have been, there will be no more reasons to go back, to turn back. It hurts when you feel so alone that you find yourself talking to your reflection. Hoping that it will not leave you alone, asking that it can understand you.

But having this almost space between us gives me a reason to grow as an individual, as your girlfriend and as your better half. I am growing for our relationship, for our future, for my advantage. I promise you I’ll never desire somebody because that means that I will lose you.

I love you and I will always do.

This is the life. :)

2009-04-19T20:09:00.003+08:00

I used to wonder what life would be like if I haven’t felt those crazy-head-over-heels with you. I will probably be glad for you, as my friend, as a classmate and of course as my “insan”. Glad because, you’re there, fulfilling all those dreams of yours. And if I do, there will be no heartaches due to a long distance relationship, a lost love, or an I miss you thing. No heartaches and no frustrations, no pressures and no sacrifices. No heartbreaks and no complain. How about that? There’ll be no worries for a so called love. There’ll be no pressure from the people who love and respect you from top to the bottom of your talents. No frustration over a lost friendship. No regrets over an opportunity for the two of us.

But I realized, if those things don’t happened, I will be empty more than anything else. I may be not happy as much as I felt and thinking for those what ifs is the hardest thing to take over. Yes, I’m certainly proud and I’m shouting to this universe, that you, Kim E. Estrella, is my better half. We’re the best for each other. My head is so much big for the past conflicts that we had been resolved. And lastly, I feel so stronger for surviving every day feeling your love even if you’re not around.

I don’t need anyone else to complete me, because it’s you that I’ve been waiting to come. Welcome and enjoy your lifetime stay in my heart. I love you ney.

Untitled.

2009-04-18T09:12:00.002+08:00

As I keep myself busy, time goes faster. Good. I’m waiting for him, knowing where he is. It’s so hard to be the one who stays, wondering if he’s okay. The tears that flow down were too thick for me to imagine his features again, and that was rude. I only had until nightfall for sure, with the limit that ended the dream-like story, like a fairytale. I stared at our picture, wishing that this two enchanting characters would be in each other’s arms more than anyone. Wishing that what they have now would last forever, or, if it couldn’t, the other one may stop existing. I know he wants to pursue his dreams, no matter what sacrifice it’ll cost me.

There will be no more reasons more than anything. I want to be where he is now, but I can’t follow. I should pursue my dreams also, my economist life.

Sitting.

2009-04-17T19:58:00.000+08:00

You want to know something? I miss you and I’m certainly scared. Yes. So scared. I’m afraid to make this we-don’t-know-the-start relationship to fall. I’m a little used to about being lonely but the fact that I wonder the whole day how was you, hurts and made me the paranoid one. Did he ever bother to think of me even just for a second?

I would never want anything but you, no matter how long I lived.

Suddenly.

2009-04-16T13:45:00.003+08:00

Things and Life might be the same as sudden as I can say. Sudden changes happened. Sudden lost. Sudden disappointments. Sudden emotions. Sudden commitments. Everything happens suddenly without us, noticing it. Who we’ll blame? No one. Sudden things happen because we let it happened. Time will come we will not live the life we used to love – the house, the places, the habit and maybe, the people we used to have. Those people we laugh with, we cherish and we love. But the memories we have with them, will never be obliterate suddenly. Even if we insist to, we cannot.

What hurts the most is that, we cannot control the changes in our life, it happened unexpectedly, so abrupt, so sudden. So what can we do? Iprepare mo yung sarili mo sa lahat ng bagay na pwedeng mangyari, kahit hindi mo maimagine na pwede. Iwasan mong masanay sa isang bagay o siguro, sa isang tao, na siya lang ang tanging nakakapagpasaya sa’yo. Tandaan mong binigyan ka Niya ng abilidad para kayanin lahat.

And we’ll wake up one day and realize that the people whom we thought would be with us forever are gone and left us on the other side of the emotion. And those people who ask you, what are you feeling right now, may totally forget you the next day. People who say that they love and miss you may eventually get tired of saying it even if you say your part. Yung mga taong di mo aakalaing magbabago, nagbago na. And those people who promise to be always there for us, may leave.

Lesson: Life is sudden as always, just love and brace yourself. It can help.

Realization

2009-04-15T15:38:00.001+08:00

I know and I’ve realized, that when you love someone, you will give everything without even thinking twice. Every now and then, my heart is in to hope that someday, he’ll be around, that someday we will be a typical couple loving each other. I know I’ve made a foolish game with you, but I know, you don’t deserve something like that. Leaving him is one of those things that doesn’t enter my mind. Because I know, I’m waiting for him, my everything.

I was scared of losing him, of losing myself again. I couldn't make myself leave. I can wait for him, even if it takes a lot of courage to do. Even if it takes a lot of bravery to face everyday without him. I’m scared of losing him. I’m scared but I’m hoping that one day, I’ll be on the page of our happily ever after story. I miss you ney. Hoping to see you soon. I’m doing great in here. :(

UPDEPP.

2009-04-15T09:26:00.002+08:00

I went to University of the Philippines, Pampanga. Mali pala na ganyan. Dapat UPDEPP. I'm not sure sa meaning e. Try ko ha. University of the Philippines Diliman Extension Program in Pampanga. Haha. Hula ko. :)

We went straight to the university, maaga pa. So nanay and I decided to go to Aling Lumeng's dormitory. Haha. Swak. Mei dorm agad ako. Aircon ang room, mei food na. Kaso malayo pa din sa school. Keri na, yun na ata pinakamalapit na dorm sa school e, malayo na yung iba. We went back to UPDEPP, and I've easily passed my credentials. I met there, Diana, former HSAians. Tama ba? HAHA. Fortunately, dorm mate ko sya, room 1 xa, room 2 ako. Good. Mei kakilala na ko. Andun din sa dorm si Ate Ellen, Ate Mitch, Ate Neri former Einsteins and Ate Amarie, former Newton.

Umuwi din kami agad. So yun, balik ako sa pagddrama. Hahahaha. :)

2009-04-13T21:43:00.003+08:00

I will never leave you

You are safe here in my arms
Never fear i’ll be beside you
Feel my love, touching your soul
Holding you closer as i whisper to you

I will never leave you hold on tight
Promise to stay forever by your side
I will never leave you promise i
Stay forever i will never leave you behind

Stay with me and you will see
I will be the one who been dreaming
I won’t hurt the heart that you’ve given
And never be wounded in my arms i promise

I will never leave you hold on tight
Promise to stay forever by your side
And i will always love you promise i
Stay forever i will never leave you behind

And every moment, every minute, every hour of my life
I intend to live my whole life with you
I will be your home and live the same forever in my arms
And will make it through

I will never leave you hold on tight
Promise to stay forever by your side
I will never leave you promise i
Stay forever i will never leave you behind

I’ll be with you… whenever, whenever, whenever..
Promise i stay forever
I will never leave you behind
You are safe here in my arms
‘coz i will never leave you
Leave you behind

Salamat.

2009-04-13T19:54:00.003+08:00

Unang araw. Unang pagkakataon. Una. Umpisa. Simula.

Kung isa ka sa mga taong nagsabi sakin ng mga bagay na to, salamat.

Kaya nyu yan. Pagsubok lang ni God yan sa inyo.
Ayos ka lang? Magiging okay ka din.
Tiwala ka lang.
Kaya mo yan. Pray lang.
Stay happy.
Andito lang kame pag mei problema ha.

Sa lahat. Sa lahat ng tao. Sa lahat ng naniniwala saming dalawa. Maraming salamat. Suportahan nyu kami ha. :(

Bye na.

2009-04-13T15:29:00.004+08:00

April 13. Tsk. Ngayon ako naniniwala, joke ang araw na to. :(

Nagising ako ng around 2:30 am, alam ko gising na sya nun kasi 3am dapat nasa Tabang na sya to meet other dreamers. Haha. :) Pero I still doubt to text him, ewan ba. Pero nung exact 3am na, tinext ko na sya. I said, all those bilins I have for him. Take care of himself, eat the right foods, don't skip meals, and love me of course. So, we texted each other even if it's too early for me. Walang alarm clock na nanggising sakin that time, pagmamahal ang gumising sa natutulog na bata. He called me, and he kept on saying, mahal na mahal kita ney, magiingat ka ha, alagaan mo yung sarili mo. I don't have any plans to cry, to flow those liquids down to my lips. Pero, hindi ko napigilan, kinanta pa niya yung forevermore. Sinong di maiiyak? Pero, na-end ko accidentally yung call. Sayang. Magkatext pa din. I said, ako na lang tatawag. Lahat na ng bilin, sinabi nya sakin. He even cried, I felt it.

5:30 yun, sabi ko sa kanya. I want to sleep first. Inaantok ako, and I told him I love him inspite of the long distance we have now. I woke up again at around 6:45 am. I texted him if I can call him na and he said yes. So, yun, as I dialed his number, silence lang. Walang nagsasalita. So I stop na. I texted him, he said why I don't bother to react in everything he says. Sabi ko, wala akong naririnig. Then, time pass by, 7:45 na, time to say goodbye. His text message goes like this. " Ney, bye na. Last text na to. Mahal na mahal kita." Tears flow. Alam mo yung nakakaiyak? Yung kahit sa huling pagkakataon, ikaw pa din yung iniisip niya. :( He even texted my friends to take care of me. Grabe. Sweet. :)

Tapos, i sent a group message to those people I know, and he knows. And that message shakes the world. Ang daming nagreply, some says, ayos ka lang ba? Hoy, babae, kaya mo yan. Wag ka na umiyak friend. Babalikan ka din ni idol. Pagbalik nun, macho na.

Tapos, mei mga gm pa na kasama pangalan nya. Aw. Para kong sinasaktan. Tapos, everyone keep on asking you, ayos ka lang ba? Anu bang dapat kong sabihin. If I should say, Yes, I'm okay, napakaplastik ko naman sa sarili ko. And If I say No, mei magtatanong pa kung bakit. Ayoko ng magexplain, di nila maiintindihan yung nararamdaman ko.

Unang araw kasi to, kaya puro iyak lang nagawa ko. Masasanay din ako. Anjan naman yung mga kaibigan nya para suportahan kami. Anjan mga kaibigan ko to cheer me up. Makakalagpas din tayo. Makakaya natin to. I love you so much ney. I miss you na agad. Come home na after that four long years ha. I'm waiting. :)

Ingat ka.

2009-04-12T17:14:00.003+08:00

Last day. :| Tomorrow he'll be leaving. Tomorrow is the dawn of his dream. Tomorrow is the start of the long distance relationship I'm afraid to face. I'm feeling the pain of saying "Bye na, Ingat ka" as he ride the tricycle.

We attended the 10-11 mass in our church and it's eastern sunday. No one is prohibited to be sad. So kelangan, lumabag ako sa utos ng simbahan, kasi aalis na xa. I know, I'm the luckiest girl in town, because having him is one of those things I never expected. Late xa sa simbahan. Sumunod na lang xa. Then, we went straight to our house. Kabado xa xempre. :)

Until 5 pm, nandun xa. At kakauwi nya lang ngayon. :|

Thank you for keeping me up. For letting me share my everything with you. For letting me know those things I can handle. Thank you for sharing your things with me. Thank you for never giving me up. Thank you for all those ups and downs na nagpatatag ng relationship natin. Thank you for always being with me.

I know I'm gonna miss you. I know my heart will feel it's part. I love you. I will and always feel the same way. :|

Boo. HBD. :)

2009-04-11T22:29:00.004+08:00

Happy Birthday. Hmm. Para sa'yo tong blog post na to. :) Hooooooooooray!

Hmm. Sige. Start na. :)

Siya si Melbourne Fernando.
Bunso sa anim na magkakapatid.
Ang alam ko, sa Panasahan siya nakatira, dun sa binababaan ni Franz. :)
Madalas yan nakatambay sa mei sementeryo sa kanila, inaabot yan ng pagkagabi-gabi dun.
E third year ako nung nakilala ko yan. Tinext kasi ko. Binigay daw o hiningi nya kei Jhonel number ko. Ewan kung pano. HAHA. :)
Di kami close nun. Neto na lang.
Alam mo ba, emo yun dati. haha. Ngayon, sana hindi na. Mei girlfriend na xa e. Dapat happy na. Dba Boo?
Mei blogspot din yan. Lahat ng drama sa buhay nakalagay dun. Ewan ko ba dun.
Mayabang daw yan sabi ng iba, e hindi naman. Hindi lang nila kilala si Boo. :)
Lagi yan nasa tabi ko pag mei problema ko. Salamat sa laging pagintindi.
Ako unang greeter nyan. First din ako sa puso. Nyahahahaha. :) Bati tayo.
Di ko nga lang alam kung ilan taon na xa. Tsk. Sorry naman.
Anu nga ba paborito mong banda? We the Kings dba?
Hmm. Kulay? Nakalimutan ko din. Aw. :(
Sumalubong yan kanina. Tama? Puyat panigurado.
Nung una xa si nerou, naging xa si Boo. Kasi, sikreto na namin yun. HAHA. Adhik ako.
Simula sa monday, yun na yun. Hala. Lagot tayo. Hahaha. :)
At ako ang una sa lahat. Dba? Hmm.

Eto. Thank you sa lahat ng advice simula pa lang nung umpisa. Salamat sa pagunawa. Sa presence mo tuwing mei problema ko. Xempre, thank you se never ending friendship and loveship. HAHAHA. :) You deserve to be happy. Give yourself a chance. Hmm. Sorry kasi minsan wala ako pag ikaw naman yung mei problema. Promise, this time, ako na nandito palagi para sa'yo. Tapos magppray ka lagi ha. Wag kakalimutan humingi ng guidance sa Kanya. Di ka Niya bibiguin. Have faith.

Boypren? Dba? HAHA. Ingat ka palagi Boo. This is your day. Enjoy. :) God bless. Hmm. Take Care. :)

Lolo.

2009-04-11T13:40:00.006+08:00

Those perfect words never enter my mind because there was nothing in there but you. I felt every ounce of me, yelling out. But the sound was trapped deep in me. In the confusion and the upshot, you are my signal fire. The only resolution and the only joy is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes.

Someday, we'll set out on a journey. That day is definitely coming, right? It's even okay to throw everything else out. I am the person who needs you, and I would definitely be always smiling by your side. As it begins from here, the story of the two of us is filled with hopes and worries. If you were to start out on a journey, when that day comes. Let's begin there together. And if you're tired from flying so long, it's alright to rest your spirit up. I'll be right here.

I'll be here, as I am, waiting until you notice me once again.

Absence. Naaah.

2009-04-10T11:58:00.002+08:00

All I ever did was to love you as best as I knew how; maybe it wasn’t the love you deserved or wanted, but it was the love that I knew how to give in our time. All the world's riches will never be enough to trade my love for you, because you will and always will be priceless.

Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones. As the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire, true love stands the test of time, distance and absence making it grows stronger. Difficult times only mean that love's roots will grow deeper. It's when you go through the hard trials of trust and sacrifice and still wake up every morning falling in love all over again.

I guarantee there’ll be tough times; I guarantee that at some point, one, or both of us is gonna get out of this thing; But I also guarantee, that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life because I know in my heart, that you’re the only one for me.

Three days and that's it.

2009-04-10T11:41:00.003+08:00

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I knew no other way than this, where 'I' does not exist, nor 'you'. So close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

There is something I can see in your eyes that no one else can see. It's the real you, the you, that you don't let people see, but I do, and I love him.

The inspiration to love you comes from the unexplainable sensation that comes from deep inside, the one that grows with every thought, every touch, and every word. Day by day, I crave more of you, live to see your face, and linger for that extra touch.

I know we've been through a lot. I had doubts, fears, pains but i'm still happy and I have learned to love you more each and every single day of my life. I hope this will last.

I will miss you. :(

Apat na araw.

2009-04-09T17:16:00.000+08:00

Ang lapit na. Tsk. Apat na araw na lang. :|

Everyone asked me, "paano na kayo?" Di ko naman alam kung anu yung tamang sagot dun. "Ewan ko. Ganun pa din" Yan lang yung madalas kong sagot. Sinabi ko sa kanya, pagkaalis nya, walang magbabago. Pero imposible yun, lahat ng bagay, kahit ano, pilit binabago ng panahon. Damn. Tagalog tong post na to. Kadurdur ng kaunti.

Pagkaalis nya sa monday, June na yung balik nya. Possible pa na mei nagaaral na ko nung mga panahon na yun. Panu na nga ba kami? Panu na yung March 7, 2009 namin?

Ang alam ko lang pagkaalis nya, una, xempre mamimiss ko sya. Pangalawa, mawawalan na ko ng text mate. Pangatlo, mawawalan ng kwenta phone ko. Hindi na ko makakaalis sa bahay, depende na lang kung birthday ng kaibigan. (Oops. Praise, Jeric, nakaline up na ko sa pagpunta sa inyo.)

So, eto na yun. Face your fears. Face the long distance relationship na kelan man hindi ako napaniwala na magwowork out. But I know, this time, we will work it out. We will last forever.

I love you ney. I will miss you.

Better with you.

2009-04-08T13:03:00.000+08:00

Hindi man natin alam kung paano tayo nagsimula, sana wag ka ng mawala. :)

From the very point of time, you know that I have my fears. I’m afraid of crying again, left behind, of breaking my heart. Takot na takot na kong sumugal. But as time past, I’ve realized, I don’t need to be scared. There are no things for me to be feared of. I have you and rest will be assured. Alam ko naman na hindi mo ko sasaktan kagaya ng ginawa nila sakin. Haha. Dba?

Ney, thank you for accepting my imperfections. Thank you for putting me always at my place, my only place, in your heart. Thank you for always being there.

Till the next time, I love you honey. :)

5 short days.

2009-04-07T18:26:00.000+08:00

After almost four years of knowing each other, it’s so amazing, boyfriend kita ngayon. HAHA. Having you in my life is one of those unpredictable miracles in my life.

Tsk. 5 short days to go, and you’ll be leaving.

I never regretted anything from the start. Kahit dalawang beses na kong umiiyak ng dahil sa’yo. Those simple fights, countless laughters, pag sinusuntok kita, kinukurot, your simple efforts to be with me – lahat yan mamimiss ko.

I will still love you. I will always do. Everyday since I first loved you. Di yun magbabago kahit malayo ka sakin ngayon. I know, after ng lahat ng sacrifices natin, we will be rewarded soon. I will just look forward to see those atypical gestures of yours na hindi alam ng iba. All we really need is trust. I will remove those lots of pack of paranoia inside you, to lessen the i-miss-you-so-much thingy. You completes me, and there’s nothing that I could not ask for.

I will always pray to God, to bless and guide you in everything. Ipagppray ko din na sana, “Lord, sana naiisip ni Kim na iniintay ko sya. Sana hindi sya nambababae”. Forever will be together, as one and as happy as we can be. I’m very certain that it’s you, I want to be spend the rest of my life with. I don’t want to lose you, not today, not now, not even tomorrow. Cause it’s you, it’s you that I love and need, forever and always.

Happy Labster's Day.

2009-04-07T16:17:00.000+08:00

Hmmm. Umabot ng isang buwan. Yabang. HAHA. :)) First monthsaya na. Last for the rest of the year na kasama ko sya. Possible kasi, marami syang pangarap e. Andun sya sa Kamaya Point, Mariveles Bataan. Hoo. Inadvance na nya yung bati for May 7 and June 7. Parang aabot. Peace!. :)

Yung image? BINGO cards nung once na naglaro ako. HAHA. Nanalo pa ko ng Php 19.00.
Happy 7 Ney. I will love and cherish everything forevermore.

Journey.

2009-04-06T10:50:00.000+08:00

I can still remember the things we did together, the places we visited together, the conversations we had together, and the experiences we shared together. But right now, all I can hope for is to do more things with you, to visit more places with you, to have more conversations with you, to share more experiences with you. I will miss you Ney. I will miss being with you. I will certainly miss us.

I am running out of thought but I am not running of time. I am running and I know, I am always heading at you’re heart, in my home. I am running to be with you. I am running because it’s the only way and the only thing left for us to be together.

Nothing has to end. We will never end. I will always fall in love with our relationship all over again. Nothing will be stopped, because I will not lose something I have been treasuring. If I’m about to lose you, it will cause me too much pain and suffering. I know, you will not let me feel the same old shit happened a year ago and I know, you will not lead me to crying again. Tears will not flow on my cheeks, and my heart will not be breaking if you go. Because, I know, even if you’re million miles away from me, still, you’re heart is already taken by me and only me.

No words can describe how much I am happy for the way things used to be between us. Uncertain as I am, it seems like we are growing apart each passing day and even if some things changes we will never give up. I will never let you go. However, I have never thought that what we have will turn into something like this. You will never be one of those strangers in my magical life.

There will be no right time. Because being with you is one of those perfect times in my life. There will be no right places, right situations. Maybe what I feel now will never be enough for us to be happy, but after those four long years, we will be together.

I'm surely happy for you Kim. Good Luck to your never ending journey and I love you so much.

It will rain soon. I will rain love over you.

'09

2009-04-05T19:14:00.000+08:00

And yes, my summer is officially open. Wee. Twice na ko nagswimming. And yes, i'm getting used to my skin's shade. ( i'm the latest model of the ponds color test) HAHA. Makikita mo talaga yung pagdarken ng brown. Grabe. Welcome na welcome na ang summer '09 sakin.

Exultant. :)

2009-04-04T15:05:00.000+08:00

He honestly isn't that cute. He isn't incredibly buff. The things he does are pretty dorky sometimes. But he has a way of making me smile, making me smile like I haven't smiled in a long time. He's the guy who has seen me at my worst with tears running down my face and my pajamas on with my hair mess and no make-up on. And you know those simple smile of him have a way of making my worst day the best one ever.

He was the first guy I truly held hands with.
The first guy I would stay on the phone for hours.
He was my first true boyfriend.
He was my first everything.

And let's face it, he still is.

when those last days end.

2009-04-04T05:48:00.000+08:00

and yes, we're counting down for April 13 to come. His Maritime Academy of Asia and the Pacific life. Tsss.

He passed and yes, he will pursue his higher education there. Our class, and of course, BEC's finest will go through a lot of hardships and sacrifices compared to those he experienced when we're on our hell high school days.

Ang daming requirements na kelangan. Even those underwears, kelangan color white talaga? Tapos, even the deodorant, kelangan 150 mL? Wuhahaha. LMAO. :))

Matagal din siyang mawawala. Matagal ding walang communication. Still, I will make it to a point, that everything will matter.

I love you and I will always do.