Was he thinking or even, was he ever realized the joy he made me feel when I’m inside his ever beautiful-amazing universe? He holds me as if I’m precious, a gem, and a treasure. I hate to break your heart; I hate to break any promise. I hate to see you go.
I went to Pio chubaloo(hihi. I dunno the spelling) kanina. Hoho. We ate lotsa lotsa foods. Thanks Tita Elma for such a warm welcome and to Ate Elhanny, love your voice. Hmmm. Kahit di kumpleto CPRANJJ, enjoy pa din. I was at the MiniForest at around 10:15 with Jeric. Early birds kami, and we told each other stories and I realized, namiss ko pala dumaldal ng ganun. I even told him about Kim's new hairstyle, how it looks like, how does it affects me and how does it makes my love for him, goes deeper and stronger. At around, 10:45 Praise came, then so Kenneth, Paeng, Joel, Tihn Mae and Allan. Then, at 11:30, we’re at Nicole’s place. Wala sya dun, nasa binyagan, so we decided to stay at their terrace sa taas. We told each other stories, and they said, they want to see the new Kim. I told them, mukha syang natatae sa picture, mukha syang kawawa dun. So, then follows, the boys played pusoy dos, I don’t really know how to play and win the said game, I told them I am used to tong its. After blah blah hours, minutes of waiting, nandito na si Nicole, so she opened her room, and I logged in my second account in Friendster and they saw the picture. Si Praise, todo react. Haha. Namiss kita Tekla.
So then, we ate. And take self-timer-blurd pictures. Hahaha. Then, we talk a lot. Walang nagbago, ang ingay pa rin namin at si Yaya pa din ang kawawa. We took vain pictures at the terrace and one by one, the boys was our photographer. Love it. And the boys went home, (went to Adolfo) earlier than us. Syempre, to play their life, Hahaha, the DOTA thinggyyy. Praise treats us, Zagu Grande, when we went home, because last April 20 was her birthday. Thank you Praise. I was home at around 5pm. Friends are surely loved.
Jeric and I texted each other, I should say, I texted him. I miss you Jek. Hoho. Libog. :)
Of all those topics, he let me define my self-true meaning of love.
Grabe. At first, I hardly doubt what to say, I just want to say, love is undefined. But it goes, more or less than that.
Love is when you experience sleepless nights, morning headaches but love is far more than anything else. Love is beyond physical attributes, far from imperfections, that even if he is stubborn and irritating sometimes, I love him to be that way. Love is when I look into his eyes; it is like doorway into the place which I want to be a part forever.
You’re all I think about when I go to bed, and with that, I know, I’m in love with you. When all of my spare time was spent in writing your name in a piece of paper over and over again. Maybe, some people aren’t meant to be in our lives forever, kasi, forevermore ka sakin. :)
You’re here with me, not just passing through, but you’re here, brought me a gift, a blessing and a lesson I need to learn, and I’ll have you forevermore.
I’ve always been in a situation where I just walk and walk without knowing where to go. Hoping that as I walk, I would forget everything I want to forget. Wishing that as I walk away from the place I have been, there will be no more reasons to go back, to turn back. It hurts when you feel so alone that you find yourself talking to your reflection. Hoping that it will not leave you alone, asking that it can understand you.
But having this almost space between us gives me a reason to grow as an individual, as your girlfriend and as your better half. I am growing for our relationship, for our future, for my advantage. I promise you I’ll never desire somebody because that means that I will lose you.
I used to wonder what life would be like if I haven’t felt those crazy-head-over-heels with you. I will probably be glad for you, as my friend, as a classmate and of course as my “insan”. Glad because, you’re there, fulfilling all those dreams of yours. And if I do, there will be no heartaches due to a long distance relationship, a lost love, or an I miss you thing. No heartaches and no frustrations, no pressures and no sacrifices.No heartbreaks and no complain. How about that? There’ll be no worries for a so called love. There’ll be no pressure from the people who love and respect you from top to the bottom of your talents. No frustration over a lost friendship. No regrets over an opportunity for the two of us.
But I realized, if those things don’t happened, I will be empty more than anything else. I may be not happy as much as I felt and thinking for those what ifs is the hardest thing to take over. Yes, I’m certainly proud and I’m shouting to this universe, that you, Kim E. Estrella, is my better half. We’re the best for each other. My head is so much big for the past conflicts that we had been resolved. And lastly, I feel so stronger for surviving every day feeling your love even if you’re not around.
I don’t need anyone else to complete me, because it’s you that I’ve been waiting to come. Welcome and enjoy your lifetime stay in my heart. I love you ney.
As I keep myself busy, time goes faster. Good. I’m waiting for him, knowing where he is. It’s so hard to be the one who stays, wondering if he’s okay. The tears that flow down were too thick for me to imagine his features again, and that was rude. I only had until nightfall for sure, with the limit that ended the dream-like story, like a fairytale. I stared at our picture, wishing that this two enchanting characters would be in each other’s arms more than anyone. Wishing that what they have now would last forever, or, if it couldn’t, the other one may stop existing. I know he wants to pursue his dreams, no matter what sacrifice it’ll cost me.
There will be no more reasons more than anything. I want to be where he is now, but I can’t follow. I should pursue my dreams also, my economist life.
You want to know something? I miss you and I’m certainly scared. Yes. So scared. I’m afraid to make this we-don’t-know-the-start relationship to fall. I’m a little used to about being lonely but the fact that I wonder the whole day how was you, hurts and made me the paranoid one. Did he ever bother to think of me even just for a second?
I would never want anything but you, no matter how long I lived.
Things and Life might be the same as sudden as I can say. Sudden changes happened. Sudden lost. Sudden disappointments. Sudden emotions. Sudden commitments. Everything happens suddenly without us, noticing it. Who we’ll blame? No one. Sudden things happen because we let it happened. Time will come we will not live the life we used to love – the house, the places, the habit and maybe, the people we used to have. Those people we laugh with, we cherish and we love. But the memories we have with them, will never be obliterate suddenly. Even if we insist to, we cannot.
What hurts the most is that, we cannot control the changes in our life, it happened unexpectedly, so abrupt, so sudden. So what can we do? Iprepare mo yung sarili mo sa lahat ng bagay na pwedeng mangyari, kahit hindi mo maimagine na pwede. Iwasan mong masanay sa isang bagay o siguro, sa isang tao, na siya lang ang tanging nakakapagpasaya sa’yo. Tandaan mong binigyan ka Niya ng abilidad para kayanin lahat.
And we’ll wake up one day and realize that the people whom we thought would be with us forever are gone and left us on the other side of the emotion. And those people who ask you, what are you feeling right now, may totally forget you the next day. People who say that they love and miss you may eventually get tired of saying it even if you say your part. Yung mga taong di mo aakalaing magbabago, nagbago na. And those people who promise to be always there for us, may leave.
Lesson: Life is sudden as always, just love and brace yourself. It can help.
I know and I’ve realized, that when you love someone, you will give everything without even thinking twice. Every now and then, my heart is in to hope that someday, he’ll be around, that someday we will be a typical couple loving each other. I know I’ve made a foolish game with you, but I know, you don’t deserve something like that. Leaving him is one of those things that doesn’t enter my mind. Because I know, I’m waiting for him, my everything.
I was scared of losing him, of losing myself again. I couldn't make myself leave. I can wait for him, even if it takes a lot of courage to do. Even if it takes a lot of bravery to face everyday without him. I’m scared of losing him. I’m scared but I’m hoping that one day, I’ll be on the page of our happily ever after story. I miss you ney. Hoping to see you soon. I’m doing great in here. :(
I went to University of the Philippines, Pampanga. Mali pala na ganyan. Dapat UPDEPP. I'm not sure sa meaning e. Try ko ha. University of the Philippines Diliman Extension Program in Pampanga. Haha. Hula ko. :)
We went straight to the university, maaga pa. So nanay and I decided to go to Aling Lumeng's dormitory. Haha. Swak. Mei dorm agad ako. Aircon ang room, mei food na. Kaso malayo pa din sa school. Keri na, yun na ata pinakamalapit na dorm sa school e, malayo na yung iba. We went back to UPDEPP, and I've easily passed my credentials. I met there, Diana, former HSAians. Tama ba? HAHA. Fortunately, dorm mate ko sya, room 1 xa, room 2 ako. Good. Mei kakilala na ko. Andun din sa dorm si Ate Ellen, Ate Mitch, Ate Neri former Einsteins and Ate Amarie, former Newton.
Umuwi din kami agad. So yun, balik ako sa pagddrama. Hahahaha. :)
You are safe here in my arms Never fear i’ll be beside you Feel my love, touching your soul Holding you closer as i whisper to you
I will never leave you hold on tight Promise to stay forever by your side I will never leave you promise i Stay forever i will never leave you behind
Stay with me and you will see I will be the one who been dreaming I won’t hurt the heart that you’ve given And never be wounded in my arms i promise
I will never leave you hold on tight Promise to stay forever by your side And i will always love you promise i Stay forever i will never leave you behind
And every moment, every minute, every hour of my life I intend to live my whole life with you I will be your home and live the same forever in my arms And will make it through
I will never leave you hold on tight Promise to stay forever by your side I will never leave you promise i Stay forever i will never leave you behind
I’ll be with you… whenever, whenever, whenever.. Promise i stay forever I will never leave you behind You are safe here in my arms ‘coz i will never leave you Leave you behind
Unang araw. Unang pagkakataon. Una. Umpisa. Simula.
Kung isa ka sa mga taong nagsabi sakin ng mga bagay na to, salamat.
Kaya nyu yan. Pagsubok lang ni God yan sa inyo. Ayos ka lang? Magiging okay ka din. Tiwala ka lang. Kaya mo yan. Pray lang. Stay happy. Andito lang kame pag mei problema ha.
Sa lahat. Sa lahat ng tao. Sa lahat ng naniniwala saming dalawa. Maraming salamat. Suportahan nyu kami ha. :(
April 13. Tsk. Ngayon ako naniniwala, joke ang araw na to. :(
Nagising ako ng around 2:30 am, alam ko gising na sya nun kasi 3am dapat nasa Tabang na sya to meet other dreamers. Haha. :) Pero I still doubt to text him, ewan ba. Pero nung exact 3am na, tinext ko na sya. I said, all those bilins I have for him. Take care of himself, eat the right foods, don't skip meals, and love me of course. So, we texted each other even if it's too early for me. Walang alarm clock na nanggising sakin that time, pagmamahal ang gumising sa natutulog na bata. He called me, and he kept on saying, mahal na mahal kita ney, magiingat ka ha, alagaan mo yung sarili mo. I don't have any plans to cry, to flow those liquids down to my lips. Pero, hindi ko napigilan, kinanta pa niya yung forevermore. Sinong di maiiyak? Pero, na-end ko accidentally yung call. Sayang. Magkatext pa din. I said, ako na lang tatawag. Lahat na ng bilin, sinabi nya sakin. He even cried, I felt it.
5:30 yun, sabi ko sa kanya. I want to sleep first. Inaantok ako, and I told him I love him inspite of the long distance we have now. I woke up again at around 6:45 am. I texted him if I can call him na and he said yes. So, yun, as I dialed his number, silence lang. Walang nagsasalita. So I stop na. I texted him, he said why I don't bother to react in everything he says. Sabi ko, wala akong naririnig. Then, time pass by, 7:45 na, time to say goodbye. His text message goes like this. " Ney, bye na. Last text na to. Mahal na mahal kita." Tears flow. Alam mo yung nakakaiyak? Yung kahit sa huling pagkakataon, ikaw pa din yung iniisip niya. :( He even texted my friends to take care of me. Grabe. Sweet. :)
Tapos, i sent a group message to those people I know, and he knows. And that message shakes the world. Ang daming nagreply, some says, ayos ka lang ba?Hoy, babae, kaya mo yan. Wag ka na umiyak friend.Babalikan ka din ni idol. Pagbalik nun, macho na.
Tapos, mei mga gm pa na kasama pangalan nya. Aw. Para kong sinasaktan. Tapos, everyone keep on asking you, ayos ka lang ba? Anu bang dapat kong sabihin. If I should say, Yes, I'm okay, napakaplastik ko naman sa sarili ko. And If I say No, mei magtatanong pa kung bakit. Ayoko ng magexplain, di nila maiintindihan yung nararamdaman ko.
Unang araw kasi to, kaya puro iyak lang nagawa ko. Masasanay din ako. Anjan naman yung mga kaibigan nya para suportahan kami. Anjan mga kaibigan ko to cheer me up. Makakalagpas din tayo. Makakaya natin to. I love you so much ney. I miss you na agad. Come home na after that four long years ha. I'm waiting. :)
Last day. :| Tomorrow he'll be leaving. Tomorrow is the dawn of his dream. Tomorrow is the start of the long distance relationship I'm afraid to face. I'm feeling the pain of saying "Bye na, Ingat ka" as he ride the tricycle.
We attended the 10-11 mass in our church and it's eastern sunday. No one is prohibited to be sad. So kelangan, lumabag ako sa utos ng simbahan, kasi aalis na xa. I know, I'm the luckiest girl in town, because having him is one of those things I never expected. Late xa sa simbahan. Sumunod na lang xa. Then, we went straight to our house. Kabado xa xempre. :)
Until 5 pm, nandun xa. At kakauwi nya lang ngayon. :|
Thank you for keeping me up. For letting me share my everything with you. For letting me know those things I can handle. Thank you for sharing your things with me. Thank you for never giving me up. Thank you for all those ups and downs na nagpatatag ng relationship natin. Thank you for always being with me.
I know I'm gonna miss you. I know my heart will feel it's part. I love you. I will and always feel the same way. :|
Happy Birthday. Hmm. Para sa'yo tong blog post na to. :) Hooooooooooray!
Hmm. Sige. Start na. :)
Siya si Melbourne Fernando.
Bunso sa anim na magkakapatid.
Ang alam ko, sa Panasahan siya nakatira, dun sa binababaan ni Franz. :)
Madalas yan nakatambay sa mei sementeryo sa kanila, inaabot yan ng pagkagabi-gabi dun.
E third year ako nung nakilala ko yan. Tinext kasi ko. Binigay daw o hiningi nya kei Jhonel number ko. Ewan kung pano. HAHA. :)
Di kami close nun. Neto na lang.
Alam mo ba, emo yun dati. haha. Ngayon, sana hindi na. Mei girlfriend na xa e. Dapat happy na. Dba Boo?
Mei blogspot din yan. Lahat ng drama sa buhay nakalagay dun. Ewan ko ba dun.
Mayabang daw yan sabi ng iba, e hindi naman. Hindi lang nila kilala si Boo. :)
Lagi yan nasa tabi ko pag mei problema ko. Salamat sa laging pagintindi.
Ako unang greeter nyan. First din ako sa puso. Nyahahahaha. :) Bati tayo.
Di ko nga lang alam kung ilan taon na xa. Tsk. Sorry naman.
Anu nga ba paborito mong banda? We the Kings dba?
Hmm. Kulay? Nakalimutan ko din. Aw. :(
Sumalubong yan kanina. Tama? Puyat panigurado.
Nung una xa si nerou, naging xa si Boo. Kasi, sikreto na namin yun. HAHA. Adhik ako.
Simula sa monday, yun na yun. Hala. Lagot tayo. Hahaha. :)
At ako ang una sa lahat. Dba? Hmm.
Eto. Thank you sa lahat ng advice simula pa lang nung umpisa. Salamat sa pagunawa. Sa presence mo tuwing mei problema ko. Xempre, thank you se never ending friendship and loveship. HAHAHA. :) You deserve to be happy. Give yourself a chance. Hmm. Sorry kasi minsan wala ako pag ikaw naman yung mei problema. Promise, this time, ako na nandito palagi para sa'yo. Tapos magppray ka lagi ha. Wag kakalimutan humingi ng guidance sa Kanya. Di ka Niya bibiguin. Have faith.
Boypren? Dba? HAHA. Ingat ka palagi Boo. This is your day. Enjoy. :) God bless. Hmm. Take Care. :)
Those perfect words never enter my mind because there was nothing in there but you. I felt every ounce of me, yelling out. But the sound was trapped deep in me. In the confusion and the upshot, you are my signal fire. The only resolution and the only joy is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes.
Someday, we'll set out on a journey. That day is definitely coming, right? It's even okay to throw everything else out. I am the person who needs you, and I would definitely be always smiling by your side. As it begins from here, the story of the two of us is filled with hopes and worries. If you were to start out on a journey, when that day comes. Let's begin there together.And if you're tired from flying so long, it's alright to rest your spirit up. I'll be right here.
I'll be here, as I am, waiting until you notice me once again.
All I ever did was to love you as best as I knew how; maybe it wasn’t the love you deserved or wanted, but it was the love that I knew how to give in our time. All the world's riches will never be enough to trade my love for you, because you will and always will be priceless.
Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones. As the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire, true love stands the test of time, distance and absence making it grows stronger. Difficult times only mean that love's roots will grow deeper. It's when you go through the hard trials of trust and sacrifice and still wake up every morning falling in love all over again.
I guarantee there’ll be tough times; I guarantee that at some point, one, or both of us is gonna get out of this thing; But I also guarantee, that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life because I know in my heart, that you’re the only one for me.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I knew no other way than this, where 'I' does not exist, nor 'you'. So close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
There is something I can see in your eyes that no one else can see. It's the real you, the you, that you don't let people see, but I do, and I love him.
The inspiration to love you comes from the unexplainable sensation that comes from deep inside, the one that grows with every thought, every touch, and every word. Day by day, I crave more of you, live to see your face, and linger for that extra touch.
I know we've been through a lot. I had doubts, fears, pains but i'm still happy and I have learned to love you more each and every single day of my life. I hope this will last.
Everyone asked me, "paano na kayo?" Di ko naman alam kung anu yung tamang sagot dun. "Ewan ko. Ganun pa din" Yan lang yung madalas kong sagot. Sinabi ko sa kanya, pagkaalis nya, walang magbabago. Pero imposible yun, lahat ng bagay, kahit ano, pilit binabago ng panahon. Damn. Tagalog tong post na to. Kadurdur ng kaunti.
Pagkaalis nya sa monday, June na yung balik nya. Possible pa na mei nagaaral na ko nung mga panahon na yun. Panu na nga ba kami? Panu na yung March 7, 2009 namin?
Ang alam ko lang pagkaalis nya, una, xempre mamimiss ko sya. Pangalawa, mawawalan na ko ng text mate. Pangatlo, mawawalan ng kwenta phone ko. Hindi na ko makakaalis sa bahay, depende na lang kung birthday ng kaibigan. (Oops. Praise, Jeric, nakaline up na ko sa pagpunta sa inyo.)
So, eto na yun. Face your fears. Face the long distance relationship na kelan man hindi ako napaniwala na magwowork out. But I know, this time, we will work it out. We will last forever.
Hindi man natin alam kung paano tayo nagsimula, sana wag ka ng mawala. :)
From the very point of time, you know that I have my fears. I’m afraid of crying again, left behind, of breaking my heart. Takot na takot na kong sumugal. But as time past, I’ve realized, I don’t need to be scared. There are no things for me to be feared of. I have you and rest will be assured. Alam ko naman na hindi mo ko sasaktan kagaya ng ginawa nila sakin. Haha. Dba?
Ney, thank you for accepting my imperfections. Thank you for putting me always at my place, my only place, in your heart. Thank you for always being there.
After almost four years of knowing each other, it’s so amazing, boyfriend kita ngayon. HAHA. Having you in my life is one of those unpredictable miracles in my life.
Tsk. 5 short days to go, and you’ll be leaving.
I never regretted anything from the start. Kahit dalawang beses na kong umiiyak ng dahil sa’yo. Those simple fights, countless laughters, pag sinusuntok kita, kinukurot, your simple efforts to be with me – lahat yan mamimiss ko.
I will still love you. I will always do. Everyday since I first loved you. Di yun magbabago kahit malayo ka sakin ngayon. I know, after ng lahat ng sacrifices natin, we will be rewarded soon. I will just look forward to see those atypical gestures of yours na hindi alam ng iba. All we really need is trust. I will remove those lots of pack of paranoia inside you, to lessen the i-miss-you-so-much thingy. You completes me, and there’s nothing that I could not ask for.
I will always pray to God, to bless and guide you in everything. Ipagppray ko din na sana, “Lord, sana naiisip ni Kim na iniintay ko sya. Sana hindi sya nambababae”. Forever will be together, as one and as happy as we can be. I’m very certain that it’s you, I want to be spend the rest of my life with. I don’t want to lose you, not today, not now, not even tomorrow. Cause it’s you, it’s you that I love and need, forever and always.
Hmmm. Umabot ng isang buwan. Yabang. HAHA. :)) First monthsaya na. Last for the rest of the year na kasama ko sya. Possible kasi, marami syang pangarap e. Andun sya sa Kamaya Point, Mariveles Bataan. Hoo. Inadvance na nya yung bati for May 7 and June 7. Parang aabot. Peace!. :)
Yung image? BINGO cards nung once na naglaro ako. HAHA. Nanalo pa ko ng Php 19.00. Happy 7 Ney. I will love and cherish everything forevermore.
I can still remember the things we did together, the places we visited together, the conversations we had together, and the experiences we shared together. But right now, all I can hope for is to do more things with you, to visit more places with you, to have more conversations with you, to share more experiences with you. I will miss you Ney.I will miss being with you.I will certainly miss us.
I am running out of thought but I am not running of time. I am running and I know, I am always heading at you’re heart, in my home. I am running to be with you. I am running because it’s the only way and the only thing left for us to be together.
Nothing has to end. We will never end. I will always fall in love with our relationship all over again. Nothing will be stopped, because I will not lose something I have been treasuring. If I’m about to lose you, it will cause me too much pain and suffering. I know, you will not let me feel the same old shit happened a year ago and I know, you will not lead me to crying again. Tears will not flow on my cheeks, and my heart will not be breaking if you go. Because, I know, even if you’re million miles away from me, still, you’re heart is already taken by me and only me.
No words can describe how much I am happy for the way things used to be between us. Uncertain as I am, it seems like we are growing apart each passing day and even if some things changes we will never give up. I will never let you go. However, I have never thought that what we have will turn into something like this. You will never be one of those strangers in my magical life.
There will be no right time. Because being with you is one of those perfect times in my life. There will be no right places, right situations. Maybe what I feel now will never be enough for us to be happy, but after those four long years, we will be together.
I'm surely happy for you Kim. Good Luck to your never ending journey and I love you so much.
And yes, my summer is officially open. Wee. Twice na ko nagswimming. And yes, i'm getting used to my skin's shade. ( i'm the latest model of the ponds color test) HAHA. Makikita mo talaga yung pagdarken ng brown. Grabe. Welcome na welcome na ang summer '09 sakin.
He honestly isn't that cute. He isn't incredibly buff. The things he does are pretty dorky sometimes. But he has a way of making me smile, making me smile like I haven't smiled in a long time. He's the guy who has seen me at my worst with tears running down my face and my pajamas on with my hair mess and no make-up on. And you know those simple smile of him have a way of making my worst day the best one ever.
and yes, we're counting down for April 13 to come. His Maritime Academy of Asia and the Pacific life. Tsss. He passed and yes, he will pursue his higher education there. Our class, and of course, BEC's finest will go through a lot of hardships and sacrifices compared to those he experienced when we're on our hell high school days.
Ang daming requirements na kelangan. Even those underwears, kelangan color white talaga? Tapos, even the deodorant, kelangan 150 mL? Wuhahaha. LMAO. :))
Matagal din siyang mawawala. Matagal ding walang communication. Still, I will make it to a point, that everything will matter.
Was he thinking or even, was he ever realized the joy he made me feel when I’m inside his ever beautiful-amazing universe? He holds me as if I’m precious, a gem, and a treasure. I hate to break your heart; I hate to break any promise. I hate to see you go.
I went to Pio chubaloo(hihi. I dunno the spelling) kanina. Hoho. We ate lotsa lotsa foods. Thanks Tita Elma for such a warm welcome and to Ate Elhanny, love your voice. Hmmm. Kahit di kumpleto CPRANJJ, enjoy pa din. I was at the MiniForest at around 10:15 with Jeric. Early birds kami, and we told each other stories and I realized, namiss ko pala dumaldal ng ganun. I even told him about Kim's new hairstyle, how it looks like, how does it affects me and how does it makes my love for him, goes deeper and stronger. At around, 10:45 Praise came, then so Kenneth, Paeng, Joel, Tihn Mae and Allan. Then, at 11:30, we’re at Nicole’s place. Wala sya dun, nasa binyagan, so we decided to stay at their terrace sa taas. We told each other stories, and they said, they want to see the new Kim. I told them, mukha syang natatae sa picture, mukha syang kawawa dun. So, then follows, the boys played pusoy dos, I don’t really know how to play and win the said game, I told them I am used to tong its. After blah blah hours, minutes of waiting, nandito na si Nicole, so she opened her room, and I logged in my second account in Friendster and they saw the picture. Si Praise, todo react. Haha. Namiss kita Tekla.
So then, we ate. And take self-timer-blurd pictures. Hahaha. Then, we talk a lot. Walang nagbago, ang ingay pa rin namin at si Yaya pa din ang kawawa. We took vain pictures at the terrace and one by one, the boys was our photographer. Love it. And the boys went home, (went to Adolfo) earlier than us. Syempre, to play their life, Hahaha, the DOTA thinggyyy. Praise treats us, Zagu Grande, when we went home, because last April 20 was her birthday. Thank you Praise. I was home at around 5pm. Friends are surely loved.
Jeric and I texted each other, I should say, I texted him. I miss you Jek. Hoho. Libog. :)
Of all those topics, he let me define my self-true meaning of love.
Grabe. At first, I hardly doubt what to say, I just want to say, love is undefined. But it goes, more or less than that.
Love is when you experience sleepless nights, morning headaches but love is far more than anything else. Love is beyond physical attributes, far from imperfections, that even if he is stubborn and irritating sometimes, I love him to be that way. Love is when I look into his eyes; it is like doorway into the place which I want to be a part forever.
You’re all I think about when I go to bed, and with that, I know, I’m in love with you. When all of my spare time was spent in writing your name in a piece of paper over and over again. Maybe, some people aren’t meant to be in our lives forever, kasi, forevermore ka sakin. :)
You’re here with me, not just passing through, but you’re here, brought me a gift, a blessing and a lesson I need to learn, and I’ll have you forevermore.
I’ve always been in a situation where I just walk and walk without knowing where to go. Hoping that as I walk, I would forget everything I want to forget. Wishing that as I walk away from the place I have been, there will be no more reasons to go back, to turn back. It hurts when you feel so alone that you find yourself talking to your reflection. Hoping that it will not leave you alone, asking that it can understand you.
But having this almost space between us gives me a reason to grow as an individual, as your girlfriend and as your better half. I am growing for our relationship, for our future, for my advantage. I promise you I’ll never desire somebody because that means that I will lose you.
I used to wonder what life would be like if I haven’t felt those crazy-head-over-heels with you. I will probably be glad for you, as my friend, as a classmate and of course as my “insan”. Glad because, you’re there, fulfilling all those dreams of yours. And if I do, there will be no heartaches due to a long distance relationship, a lost love, or an I miss you thing. No heartaches and no frustrations, no pressures and no sacrifices.No heartbreaks and no complain. How about that? There’ll be no worries for a so called love. There’ll be no pressure from the people who love and respect you from top to the bottom of your talents. No frustration over a lost friendship. No regrets over an opportunity for the two of us.
But I realized, if those things don’t happened, I will be empty more than anything else. I may be not happy as much as I felt and thinking for those what ifs is the hardest thing to take over. Yes, I’m certainly proud and I’m shouting to this universe, that you, Kim E. Estrella, is my better half. We’re the best for each other. My head is so much big for the past conflicts that we had been resolved. And lastly, I feel so stronger for surviving every day feeling your love even if you’re not around.
I don’t need anyone else to complete me, because it’s you that I’ve been waiting to come. Welcome and enjoy your lifetime stay in my heart. I love you ney.
As I keep myself busy, time goes faster. Good. I’m waiting for him, knowing where he is. It’s so hard to be the one who stays, wondering if he’s okay. The tears that flow down were too thick for me to imagine his features again, and that was rude. I only had until nightfall for sure, with the limit that ended the dream-like story, like a fairytale. I stared at our picture, wishing that this two enchanting characters would be in each other’s arms more than anyone. Wishing that what they have now would last forever, or, if it couldn’t, the other one may stop existing. I know he wants to pursue his dreams, no matter what sacrifice it’ll cost me.
There will be no more reasons more than anything. I want to be where he is now, but I can’t follow. I should pursue my dreams also, my economist life.
You want to know something? I miss you and I’m certainly scared. Yes. So scared. I’m afraid to make this we-don’t-know-the-start relationship to fall. I’m a little used to about being lonely but the fact that I wonder the whole day how was you, hurts and made me the paranoid one. Did he ever bother to think of me even just for a second?
I would never want anything but you, no matter how long I lived.
Things and Life might be the same as sudden as I can say. Sudden changes happened. Sudden lost. Sudden disappointments. Sudden emotions. Sudden commitments. Everything happens suddenly without us, noticing it. Who we’ll blame? No one. Sudden things happen because we let it happened. Time will come we will not live the life we used to love – the house, the places, the habit and maybe, the people we used to have. Those people we laugh with, we cherish and we love. But the memories we have with them, will never be obliterate suddenly. Even if we insist to, we cannot.
What hurts the most is that, we cannot control the changes in our life, it happened unexpectedly, so abrupt, so sudden. So what can we do? Iprepare mo yung sarili mo sa lahat ng bagay na pwedeng mangyari, kahit hindi mo maimagine na pwede. Iwasan mong masanay sa isang bagay o siguro, sa isang tao, na siya lang ang tanging nakakapagpasaya sa’yo. Tandaan mong binigyan ka Niya ng abilidad para kayanin lahat.
And we’ll wake up one day and realize that the people whom we thought would be with us forever are gone and left us on the other side of the emotion. And those people who ask you, what are you feeling right now, may totally forget you the next day. People who say that they love and miss you may eventually get tired of saying it even if you say your part. Yung mga taong di mo aakalaing magbabago, nagbago na. And those people who promise to be always there for us, may leave.
Lesson: Life is sudden as always, just love and brace yourself. It can help.
I know and I’ve realized, that when you love someone, you will give everything without even thinking twice. Every now and then, my heart is in to hope that someday, he’ll be around, that someday we will be a typical couple loving each other. I know I’ve made a foolish game with you, but I know, you don’t deserve something like that. Leaving him is one of those things that doesn’t enter my mind. Because I know, I’m waiting for him, my everything.
I was scared of losing him, of losing myself again. I couldn't make myself leave. I can wait for him, even if it takes a lot of courage to do. Even if it takes a lot of bravery to face everyday without him. I’m scared of losing him. I’m scared but I’m hoping that one day, I’ll be on the page of our happily ever after story. I miss you ney. Hoping to see you soon. I’m doing great in here. :(
I went to University of the Philippines, Pampanga. Mali pala na ganyan. Dapat UPDEPP. I'm not sure sa meaning e. Try ko ha. University of the Philippines Diliman Extension Program in Pampanga. Haha. Hula ko. :)
We went straight to the university, maaga pa. So nanay and I decided to go to Aling Lumeng's dormitory. Haha. Swak. Mei dorm agad ako. Aircon ang room, mei food na. Kaso malayo pa din sa school. Keri na, yun na ata pinakamalapit na dorm sa school e, malayo na yung iba. We went back to UPDEPP, and I've easily passed my credentials. I met there, Diana, former HSAians. Tama ba? HAHA. Fortunately, dorm mate ko sya, room 1 xa, room 2 ako. Good. Mei kakilala na ko. Andun din sa dorm si Ate Ellen, Ate Mitch, Ate Neri former Einsteins and Ate Amarie, former Newton.
Umuwi din kami agad. So yun, balik ako sa pagddrama. Hahahaha. :)
You are safe here in my arms Never fear i’ll be beside you Feel my love, touching your soul Holding you closer as i whisper to you
I will never leave you hold on tight Promise to stay forever by your side I will never leave you promise i Stay forever i will never leave you behind
Stay with me and you will see I will be the one who been dreaming I won’t hurt the heart that you’ve given And never be wounded in my arms i promise
I will never leave you hold on tight Promise to stay forever by your side And i will always love you promise i Stay forever i will never leave you behind
And every moment, every minute, every hour of my life I intend to live my whole life with you I will be your home and live the same forever in my arms And will make it through
I will never leave you hold on tight Promise to stay forever by your side I will never leave you promise i Stay forever i will never leave you behind
I’ll be with you… whenever, whenever, whenever.. Promise i stay forever I will never leave you behind You are safe here in my arms ‘coz i will never leave you Leave you behind
Unang araw. Unang pagkakataon. Una. Umpisa. Simula.
Kung isa ka sa mga taong nagsabi sakin ng mga bagay na to, salamat.
Kaya nyu yan. Pagsubok lang ni God yan sa inyo. Ayos ka lang? Magiging okay ka din. Tiwala ka lang. Kaya mo yan. Pray lang. Stay happy. Andito lang kame pag mei problema ha.
Sa lahat. Sa lahat ng tao. Sa lahat ng naniniwala saming dalawa. Maraming salamat. Suportahan nyu kami ha. :(
April 13. Tsk. Ngayon ako naniniwala, joke ang araw na to. :(
Nagising ako ng around 2:30 am, alam ko gising na sya nun kasi 3am dapat nasa Tabang na sya to meet other dreamers. Haha. :) Pero I still doubt to text him, ewan ba. Pero nung exact 3am na, tinext ko na sya. I said, all those bilins I have for him. Take care of himself, eat the right foods, don't skip meals, and love me of course. So, we texted each other even if it's too early for me. Walang alarm clock na nanggising sakin that time, pagmamahal ang gumising sa natutulog na bata. He called me, and he kept on saying, mahal na mahal kita ney, magiingat ka ha, alagaan mo yung sarili mo. I don't have any plans to cry, to flow those liquids down to my lips. Pero, hindi ko napigilan, kinanta pa niya yung forevermore. Sinong di maiiyak? Pero, na-end ko accidentally yung call. Sayang. Magkatext pa din. I said, ako na lang tatawag. Lahat na ng bilin, sinabi nya sakin. He even cried, I felt it.
5:30 yun, sabi ko sa kanya. I want to sleep first. Inaantok ako, and I told him I love him inspite of the long distance we have now. I woke up again at around 6:45 am. I texted him if I can call him na and he said yes. So, yun, as I dialed his number, silence lang. Walang nagsasalita. So I stop na. I texted him, he said why I don't bother to react in everything he says. Sabi ko, wala akong naririnig. Then, time pass by, 7:45 na, time to say goodbye. His text message goes like this. " Ney, bye na. Last text na to. Mahal na mahal kita." Tears flow. Alam mo yung nakakaiyak? Yung kahit sa huling pagkakataon, ikaw pa din yung iniisip niya. :( He even texted my friends to take care of me. Grabe. Sweet. :)
Tapos, i sent a group message to those people I know, and he knows. And that message shakes the world. Ang daming nagreply, some says, ayos ka lang ba?Hoy, babae, kaya mo yan. Wag ka na umiyak friend.Babalikan ka din ni idol. Pagbalik nun, macho na.
Tapos, mei mga gm pa na kasama pangalan nya. Aw. Para kong sinasaktan. Tapos, everyone keep on asking you, ayos ka lang ba? Anu bang dapat kong sabihin. If I should say, Yes, I'm okay, napakaplastik ko naman sa sarili ko. And If I say No, mei magtatanong pa kung bakit. Ayoko ng magexplain, di nila maiintindihan yung nararamdaman ko.
Unang araw kasi to, kaya puro iyak lang nagawa ko. Masasanay din ako. Anjan naman yung mga kaibigan nya para suportahan kami. Anjan mga kaibigan ko to cheer me up. Makakalagpas din tayo. Makakaya natin to. I love you so much ney. I miss you na agad. Come home na after that four long years ha. I'm waiting. :)
Last day. :| Tomorrow he'll be leaving. Tomorrow is the dawn of his dream. Tomorrow is the start of the long distance relationship I'm afraid to face. I'm feeling the pain of saying "Bye na, Ingat ka" as he ride the tricycle.
We attended the 10-11 mass in our church and it's eastern sunday. No one is prohibited to be sad. So kelangan, lumabag ako sa utos ng simbahan, kasi aalis na xa. I know, I'm the luckiest girl in town, because having him is one of those things I never expected. Late xa sa simbahan. Sumunod na lang xa. Then, we went straight to our house. Kabado xa xempre. :)
Until 5 pm, nandun xa. At kakauwi nya lang ngayon. :|
Thank you for keeping me up. For letting me share my everything with you. For letting me know those things I can handle. Thank you for sharing your things with me. Thank you for never giving me up. Thank you for all those ups and downs na nagpatatag ng relationship natin. Thank you for always being with me.
I know I'm gonna miss you. I know my heart will feel it's part. I love you. I will and always feel the same way. :|
Happy Birthday. Hmm. Para sa'yo tong blog post na to. :) Hooooooooooray!
Hmm. Sige. Start na. :)
Siya si Melbourne Fernando.
Bunso sa anim na magkakapatid.
Ang alam ko, sa Panasahan siya nakatira, dun sa binababaan ni Franz. :)
Madalas yan nakatambay sa mei sementeryo sa kanila, inaabot yan ng pagkagabi-gabi dun.
E third year ako nung nakilala ko yan. Tinext kasi ko. Binigay daw o hiningi nya kei Jhonel number ko. Ewan kung pano. HAHA. :)
Di kami close nun. Neto na lang.
Alam mo ba, emo yun dati. haha. Ngayon, sana hindi na. Mei girlfriend na xa e. Dapat happy na. Dba Boo?
Mei blogspot din yan. Lahat ng drama sa buhay nakalagay dun. Ewan ko ba dun.
Mayabang daw yan sabi ng iba, e hindi naman. Hindi lang nila kilala si Boo. :)
Lagi yan nasa tabi ko pag mei problema ko. Salamat sa laging pagintindi.
Ako unang greeter nyan. First din ako sa puso. Nyahahahaha. :) Bati tayo.
Di ko nga lang alam kung ilan taon na xa. Tsk. Sorry naman.
Anu nga ba paborito mong banda? We the Kings dba?
Hmm. Kulay? Nakalimutan ko din. Aw. :(
Sumalubong yan kanina. Tama? Puyat panigurado.
Nung una xa si nerou, naging xa si Boo. Kasi, sikreto na namin yun. HAHA. Adhik ako.
Simula sa monday, yun na yun. Hala. Lagot tayo. Hahaha. :)
At ako ang una sa lahat. Dba? Hmm.
Eto. Thank you sa lahat ng advice simula pa lang nung umpisa. Salamat sa pagunawa. Sa presence mo tuwing mei problema ko. Xempre, thank you se never ending friendship and loveship. HAHAHA. :) You deserve to be happy. Give yourself a chance. Hmm. Sorry kasi minsan wala ako pag ikaw naman yung mei problema. Promise, this time, ako na nandito palagi para sa'yo. Tapos magppray ka lagi ha. Wag kakalimutan humingi ng guidance sa Kanya. Di ka Niya bibiguin. Have faith.
Boypren? Dba? HAHA. Ingat ka palagi Boo. This is your day. Enjoy. :) God bless. Hmm. Take Care. :)
Those perfect words never enter my mind because there was nothing in there but you. I felt every ounce of me, yelling out. But the sound was trapped deep in me. In the confusion and the upshot, you are my signal fire. The only resolution and the only joy is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes.
Someday, we'll set out on a journey. That day is definitely coming, right? It's even okay to throw everything else out. I am the person who needs you, and I would definitely be always smiling by your side. As it begins from here, the story of the two of us is filled with hopes and worries. If you were to start out on a journey, when that day comes. Let's begin there together.And if you're tired from flying so long, it's alright to rest your spirit up. I'll be right here.
I'll be here, as I am, waiting until you notice me once again.
All I ever did was to love you as best as I knew how; maybe it wasn’t the love you deserved or wanted, but it was the love that I knew how to give in our time. All the world's riches will never be enough to trade my love for you, because you will and always will be priceless.
Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones. As the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire, true love stands the test of time, distance and absence making it grows stronger. Difficult times only mean that love's roots will grow deeper. It's when you go through the hard trials of trust and sacrifice and still wake up every morning falling in love all over again.
I guarantee there’ll be tough times; I guarantee that at some point, one, or both of us is gonna get out of this thing; But I also guarantee, that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life because I know in my heart, that you’re the only one for me.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I knew no other way than this, where 'I' does not exist, nor 'you'. So close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
There is something I can see in your eyes that no one else can see. It's the real you, the you, that you don't let people see, but I do, and I love him.
The inspiration to love you comes from the unexplainable sensation that comes from deep inside, the one that grows with every thought, every touch, and every word. Day by day, I crave more of you, live to see your face, and linger for that extra touch.
I know we've been through a lot. I had doubts, fears, pains but i'm still happy and I have learned to love you more each and every single day of my life. I hope this will last.
Everyone asked me, "paano na kayo?" Di ko naman alam kung anu yung tamang sagot dun. "Ewan ko. Ganun pa din" Yan lang yung madalas kong sagot. Sinabi ko sa kanya, pagkaalis nya, walang magbabago. Pero imposible yun, lahat ng bagay, kahit ano, pilit binabago ng panahon. Damn. Tagalog tong post na to. Kadurdur ng kaunti.
Pagkaalis nya sa monday, June na yung balik nya. Possible pa na mei nagaaral na ko nung mga panahon na yun. Panu na nga ba kami? Panu na yung March 7, 2009 namin?
Ang alam ko lang pagkaalis nya, una, xempre mamimiss ko sya. Pangalawa, mawawalan na ko ng text mate. Pangatlo, mawawalan ng kwenta phone ko. Hindi na ko makakaalis sa bahay, depende na lang kung birthday ng kaibigan. (Oops. Praise, Jeric, nakaline up na ko sa pagpunta sa inyo.)
So, eto na yun. Face your fears. Face the long distance relationship na kelan man hindi ako napaniwala na magwowork out. But I know, this time, we will work it out. We will last forever.
Hindi man natin alam kung paano tayo nagsimula, sana wag ka ng mawala. :)
From the very point of time, you know that I have my fears. I’m afraid of crying again, left behind, of breaking my heart. Takot na takot na kong sumugal. But as time past, I’ve realized, I don’t need to be scared. There are no things for me to be feared of. I have you and rest will be assured. Alam ko naman na hindi mo ko sasaktan kagaya ng ginawa nila sakin. Haha. Dba?
Ney, thank you for accepting my imperfections. Thank you for putting me always at my place, my only place, in your heart. Thank you for always being there.
After almost four years of knowing each other, it’s so amazing, boyfriend kita ngayon. HAHA. Having you in my life is one of those unpredictable miracles in my life.
Tsk. 5 short days to go, and you’ll be leaving.
I never regretted anything from the start. Kahit dalawang beses na kong umiiyak ng dahil sa’yo. Those simple fights, countless laughters, pag sinusuntok kita, kinukurot, your simple efforts to be with me – lahat yan mamimiss ko.
I will still love you. I will always do. Everyday since I first loved you. Di yun magbabago kahit malayo ka sakin ngayon. I know, after ng lahat ng sacrifices natin, we will be rewarded soon. I will just look forward to see those atypical gestures of yours na hindi alam ng iba. All we really need is trust. I will remove those lots of pack of paranoia inside you, to lessen the i-miss-you-so-much thingy. You completes me, and there’s nothing that I could not ask for.
I will always pray to God, to bless and guide you in everything. Ipagppray ko din na sana, “Lord, sana naiisip ni Kim na iniintay ko sya. Sana hindi sya nambababae”. Forever will be together, as one and as happy as we can be. I’m very certain that it’s you, I want to be spend the rest of my life with. I don’t want to lose you, not today, not now, not even tomorrow. Cause it’s you, it’s you that I love and need, forever and always.
Hmmm. Umabot ng isang buwan. Yabang. HAHA. :)) First monthsaya na. Last for the rest of the year na kasama ko sya. Possible kasi, marami syang pangarap e. Andun sya sa Kamaya Point, Mariveles Bataan. Hoo. Inadvance na nya yung bati for May 7 and June 7. Parang aabot. Peace!. :)
Yung image? BINGO cards nung once na naglaro ako. HAHA. Nanalo pa ko ng Php 19.00. Happy 7 Ney. I will love and cherish everything forevermore.
I can still remember the things we did together, the places we visited together, the conversations we had together, and the experiences we shared together. But right now, all I can hope for is to do more things with you, to visit more places with you, to have more conversations with you, to share more experiences with you. I will miss you Ney.I will miss being with you.I will certainly miss us.
I am running out of thought but I am not running of time. I am running and I know, I am always heading at you’re heart, in my home. I am running to be with you. I am running because it’s the only way and the only thing left for us to be together.
Nothing has to end. We will never end. I will always fall in love with our relationship all over again. Nothing will be stopped, because I will not lose something I have been treasuring. If I’m about to lose you, it will cause me too much pain and suffering. I know, you will not let me feel the same old shit happened a year ago and I know, you will not lead me to crying again. Tears will not flow on my cheeks, and my heart will not be breaking if you go. Because, I know, even if you’re million miles away from me, still, you’re heart is already taken by me and only me.
No words can describe how much I am happy for the way things used to be between us. Uncertain as I am, it seems like we are growing apart each passing day and even if some things changes we will never give up. I will never let you go. However, I have never thought that what we have will turn into something like this. You will never be one of those strangers in my magical life.
There will be no right time. Because being with you is one of those perfect times in my life. There will be no right places, right situations. Maybe what I feel now will never be enough for us to be happy, but after those four long years, we will be together.
I'm surely happy for you Kim. Good Luck to your never ending journey and I love you so much.
And yes, my summer is officially open. Wee. Twice na ko nagswimming. And yes, i'm getting used to my skin's shade. ( i'm the latest model of the ponds color test) HAHA. Makikita mo talaga yung pagdarken ng brown. Grabe. Welcome na welcome na ang summer '09 sakin.
He honestly isn't that cute. He isn't incredibly buff. The things he does are pretty dorky sometimes. But he has a way of making me smile, making me smile like I haven't smiled in a long time. He's the guy who has seen me at my worst with tears running down my face and my pajamas on with my hair mess and no make-up on. And you know those simple smile of him have a way of making my worst day the best one ever.
and yes, we're counting down for April 13 to come. His Maritime Academy of Asia and the Pacific life. Tsss. He passed and yes, he will pursue his higher education there. Our class, and of course, BEC's finest will go through a lot of hardships and sacrifices compared to those he experienced when we're on our hell high school days.
Ang daming requirements na kelangan. Even those underwears, kelangan color white talaga? Tapos, even the deodorant, kelangan 150 mL? Wuhahaha. LMAO. :))
Matagal din siyang mawawala. Matagal ding walang communication. Still, I will make it to a point, that everything will matter.
Hi. Thanks for dropping by. BTW, everything here is under my spell. So don’t try to copy then paste something. Leave everything in here. Okay?
FYI. All things published here was one of those pieces happened in my enjoy-every-moment of my life. I'm a blogger since you'd find your way here. :) I'm not good in grammar so don't expect a perfect and straight one here. If you're unhappy, then you're free to leave.
» Young Lady. «
APRIL JOYCE ARANETA CANDOR
15 years young. Freshie at University of the Philippines Diliman Extension Program in Pampanga and currently taking up BA Business Economics. Unique and of course, one of a kind. Violet. Pictures. Photo editing. Food. is surely love.
Music lighten down our spirit and force us to reminisce something or even someone. All it takes is just one song to remember one simple and meaningful event in one's life.
And yes, my summer is officially open. Wee. Twice na ko nagswimming. And yes, i'm getting used to my skin's shade. ( i'm the latest model of the ponds color test) HAHA. Makikita mo talaga yung pagdarken ng brown. Grabe. Welcome na welcome na ang summer '09 sakin.
