The title itself was a song. Nahihilig ata ako sa mga song title. :)
5 more days and I'll start the ayoko-pang-mag-aral thing, my college life. Yes. I have my plans as anyone do. Thinking if my first year will be tough or so I say. I will just reminisce something from somewhere. Okay. The drama will start, close your eyes now.
How are you going to live when your life was almost about him? How are you going to endure every single moment knowing he won't be there?
The time when we used to go to school together. Hahaha. Nakakatawa yung unang beses na yun and I think, huli na din. Ambilis mong maglakad kasi wala ka pang assignment sa Physics.
How I criticize other people and he would just agree with me. Hahaha. Yah. We're too bad. Siya lalo. :)
The way he saves me from the hell math and physics subject of ours.
How he go wild when I smile. Yes. Wild.
Sit next to each other after eating our lunch with our friends. Dun kna magkkwento ng mga chismis sakin.
That I know his friendster password and even his Yahoo account.
The way we sing together.
The way we laugh even at our corniest jokes.
How impatient I am when we had our Physics assignment and he'd volunteer to do it for me.
The way he treats me like a child.
How bad I miss us when it's raining.
How he doesn't want to see me with other boys because he's too afraid he might lose me. Boy. Sa'yo lang ako. Prames :D
The way he holds my hand and doesn't want to let go.
When people look strange at me because I'm pinching his nose.
How I can tell him everything and anything. Even my red alert. :)
How he looks like a kid when he says sorry.
How cute he is when he is mad.
How we fight our views into something and realizing that it's non sense and all that we know is, we love each other.
How he compare his high grades with mine. Hahaha. I know. Ikaw na. :)
That I still trust him no matter how negligent he gets.
When things get a little between the two of us, and the best way to escape is to eat and eat and we're fine.
When I'm too scared of the pain, but he always keeps me up and willing to stand up for me.
That no matter how many times we hurt each other I know that my sanctuary is still in his arms, in my home.
How he used to be my hero, my angeland my sweetest sin.
The title of this post was the song Kim once GM-ed to his friends even to me. Simple Plan once did it as a hit. :)
Okay. I think this post was before and after his arrival. Err. Reminiscing. I hate doing that thing.
"Do you ever miss him?" "Every day, every minute."
I feel a weird combination of freedom and despair. Freedom. Yes, I have a complete one. I can do everything without asking for his permission. But the loyalty, the faithfulness and the love I promise to last with him forever, always change my mind. He always says to me, " Ney, kung ayaw mo na sakin, sige lang ha. Naiintindihan ko naman e. mahirap tong sitwasyon natin." But the mere fact that I can, never change my mind. I am responsible for who and what will I become, and I will do it as though a I have my free will. Despair. It's something like this:
" I won't ever leave you even if you're always leaving me." " But I never want to leave you."
Yung 1 1/2 days nya dito, ambilis. Parang isang oras lang. Gusto kong magreklamo, umiyak, magsumbong, pero wala kong magagawa. Hay. Isang malalim na paghinga. Magisa nanaman. Wala nanaman sya.
"don't be critical about love. lahat yan mei tamang oras at tamang panahon. ngayon, magtiis muna tayo. pagkatpos neto, habangbuhay na."
he wrote that in his letter. nung nabasa ko, nabuhayan ako ng loob. nakakaiyak. nakakamiss. ang masakit, wala kang magawa. pero meron na pala. ansarap isipin na kaya pala sya nagtagal dun, kasi binigyan mo sya ng lakas ng loob. tiwala lang ney. makikita mo :)
Ay. Yesterday was our 3rd monthsary. Wee. We're together and I'm happy. I've touched those cheeks again and I lean on the same shoulder after a long time. Haha. Talo ka. You did it again. You first did it and I never insists you to do so. Anyways, namiss ko yun. Next labster's day again huh? Promise? :D
I want to go home with you na. I'm waiting until that perfect time comes. I love you so much ney. I'm waiting to see those matabang cheeks of yours. Hahaha. :)
E kasi, kanina nagpunta kami ng Marcelo ni Rossel para makakuha ko ng certification na kasama ko sa upper 25% ng graduates ng batch namin. Kasama naman ako e.Upper 5% pa nga. Hahaha. FYI, rank 65 ako over 1978 graduates. Pwede na magyabang. Hahaha :) Pero hindi tungkol dun yung blog ko. Mageemo lang ako ng unti ha :)
Sa pagpasok pa lang sa munting gate ng aking paaralan, iba na yung naisip ko.
Dati, hindi naman ganun yung pasukan, binabaha pa nga yun e. Antaas na ngayon ha. Dati, hindi ganun ka-approachable yung mga guards. Ngayon, tinulungan pa nila ko makita si Lamberto. Dati, kahit maraming tao dun, feeling ko safe ako. Ngayon, mukha silang mga *****. Dati, lahat sila nakauniform. Ngayon, puro sila pormahan. Malamang, maguniform daw ba para lang magenroll. Dati, lahat ng nakakasalubong ko kakilala ko. Ngayon, kahit isang pagmumukha, hindi ko makilala.
Nagbago na kaagad? Ambilis naman ata.
Habang nasa record section ako kanina, ang gara ng feeling. Parang dati lang, nanghihingi ako ng Form137 kasi kelangan para sa application sa UPCAT, ngayon, iba na yung hinihingi ko. Ambilis noh? Tapos, nakita ko pa si Mam Myrna Dela Cruz yung teacher ko sa General Science nung First year, nakakatouch kasi natatandaan pa niya kami . After mangulit ng mga teacher sa AP, pumunta na kami sa guard para itanong tong bagay na to:
Sel&Epi: Anu po bang kelangan para makapasok kami dito sa GABAG? Guards(madae kasi sila ) : Letter galing sa teacher in charge. Sel&Epi: Kei Mam Vivo po? Guards: Oo. Sa kanya. Sel&Epi: Ay. Oh sige po. Salamat. Sa susunod na pagkikita na lang ulit.
Dati lang, nangunguna yung section namin sa pagcheer sa apat kong kaklase nun. Ngayon, maglilipat na ng title si James. Kasabay na kaya nun yung pagsasabi na, Porwan, eto na yung huli nyung pagkikita? Wag naman sana. Ayoko.
Habang lumalabas kami ng gate, di ko mapigilang lumingon pabalik. Eto yung lugar na minsan nang naging saksi sa mga kahinaan ko sa buhay. Kasama ko to sa lahat ng achievements. Sa lahat ng happenings. Sa bawat tawa at iyak ng barkada. Yung Building A na tatlong taon kong tinirhan, yung init dun. Yung siksikang classroom. Lahat namimiss ko. Lalo yung mga taong kasama ko sa paghihirap. Sa lahat ng problem sa Physics. Sa lahat ng functions na tinuturo ni Mam Ana. Err. Ang cheesy ko.
Ayun. Nakalabas na ko Marcelo H. del Pilar National High School. Panahon para maggrow mag-isa. Panahon para lumibot pa sa ibang parte ng buhay. :)
Eto na yun, isa na ko sa alumni ng Marcelo. Nangako na nga ako nung graduation e. Habang tinititigan ko, nalulungkot ako lalo. Nakakaiyak pala. Ang hirap nila ilet go. Ang hirap ng malayo sila sa'yo. SILA LANG KASI e! (kasi e?)
Uh-oh. May1 . We've been apart for almost 2 weeks and I'm used to it. No text messages, no IMs, no sweet compliments and of course, I miss those simple fights with him.
Waa. It's been 4 days since the last post I have here. I miss typing out my emotions here. I'm still reading The Time Traveler's Wife and I'm enjoying every bit of it. As though, you feel the emotions in the story and you're on the scene itself. I dreamt of him, of Kim. I was with my classmates; I enjoy chatting with them, tell stories with them and making myself busy through them. But as I was watching my own dream, I realized Kim is not on the scene, on my ever-happy moment. Why? Is he leaving? Is he giving me up? Those realizations came up when I woke up. Dreams do come true, and I'm wishing this one will not. Sigh. Fighting.
Was he thinking or even, was he ever realized the joy he made me feel when I’m inside his ever beautiful-amazing universe? He holds me as if I’m precious, a gem, and a treasure. I hate to break your heart; I hate to break any promise. I hate to see you go.
As I keep myself busy, time goes faster. Good. I’m waiting for him, knowing where he is. It’s so hard to be the one who stays, wondering if he’s okay. The tears that flow down were too thick for me to imagine his features again, and that was rude. I only had until nightfall for sure, with the limit that ended the dream-like story, like a fairytale. I stared at our picture, wishing that this two enchanting characters would be in each other’s arms more than anyone. Wishing that what they have now would last forever, or, if it couldn’t, the other one may stop existing. I know he wants to pursue his dreams, no matter what sacrifice it’ll cost me.
There will be no more reasons more than anything. I want to be where he is now, but I can’t follow. I should pursue my dreams also, my economist life.
I know and I’ve realized, that when you love someone, you will give everything without even thinking twice. Every now and then, my heart is in to hope that someday, he’ll be around, that someday we will be a typical couple loving each other. I know I’ve made a foolish game with you, but I know, you don’t deserve something like that. Leaving him is one of those things that doesn’t enter my mind. Because I know, I’m waiting for him, my everything.
I was scared of losing him, of losing myself again. I couldn't make myself leave. I can wait for him, even if it takes a lot of courage to do. Even if it takes a lot of bravery to face everyday without him. I’m scared of losing him. I’m scared but I’m hoping that one day, I’ll be on the page of our happily ever after story. I miss you ney. Hoping to see you soon. I’m doing great in here. :(
I went to University of the Philippines, Pampanga. Mali pala na ganyan. Dapat UPDEPP. I'm not sure sa meaning e. Try ko ha. University of the Philippines Diliman Extension Program in Pampanga. Haha. Hula ko. :)
We went straight to the university, maaga pa. So nanay and I decided to go to Aling Lumeng's dormitory. Haha. Swak. Mei dorm agad ako. Aircon ang room, mei food na. Kaso malayo pa din sa school. Keri na, yun na ata pinakamalapit na dorm sa school e, malayo na yung iba. We went back to UPDEPP, and I've easily passed my credentials. I met there, Diana, former HSAians. Tama ba? HAHA. Fortunately, dorm mate ko sya, room 1 xa, room 2 ako. Good. Mei kakilala na ko. Andun din sa dorm si Ate Ellen, Ate Mitch, Ate Neri former Einsteins and Ate Amarie, former Newton.
Umuwi din kami agad. So yun, balik ako sa pagddrama. Hahahaha. :)
You are safe here in my arms Never fear i’ll be beside you Feel my love, touching your soul Holding you closer as i whisper to you
I will never leave you hold on tight Promise to stay forever by your side I will never leave you promise i Stay forever i will never leave you behind
Stay with me and you will see I will be the one who been dreaming I won’t hurt the heart that you’ve given And never be wounded in my arms i promise
I will never leave you hold on tight Promise to stay forever by your side And i will always love you promise i Stay forever i will never leave you behind
And every moment, every minute, every hour of my life I intend to live my whole life with you I will be your home and live the same forever in my arms And will make it through
I will never leave you hold on tight Promise to stay forever by your side I will never leave you promise i Stay forever i will never leave you behind
I’ll be with you… whenever, whenever, whenever.. Promise i stay forever I will never leave you behind You are safe here in my arms ‘coz i will never leave you Leave you behind
April 13. Tsk. Ngayon ako naniniwala, joke ang araw na to. :(
Nagising ako ng around 2:30 am, alam ko gising na sya nun kasi 3am dapat nasa Tabang na sya to meet other dreamers. Haha. :) Pero I still doubt to text him, ewan ba. Pero nung exact 3am na, tinext ko na sya. I said, all those bilins I have for him. Take care of himself, eat the right foods, don't skip meals, and love me of course. So, we texted each other even if it's too early for me. Walang alarm clock na nanggising sakin that time, pagmamahal ang gumising sa natutulog na bata. He called me, and he kept on saying, mahal na mahal kita ney, magiingat ka ha, alagaan mo yung sarili mo. I don't have any plans to cry, to flow those liquids down to my lips. Pero, hindi ko napigilan, kinanta pa niya yung forevermore. Sinong di maiiyak? Pero, na-end ko accidentally yung call. Sayang. Magkatext pa din. I said, ako na lang tatawag. Lahat na ng bilin, sinabi nya sakin. He even cried, I felt it.
5:30 yun, sabi ko sa kanya. I want to sleep first. Inaantok ako, and I told him I love him inspite of the long distance we have now. I woke up again at around 6:45 am. I texted him if I can call him na and he said yes. So, yun, as I dialed his number, silence lang. Walang nagsasalita. So I stop na. I texted him, he said why I don't bother to react in everything he says. Sabi ko, wala akong naririnig. Then, time pass by, 7:45 na, time to say goodbye. His text message goes like this. " Ney, bye na. Last text na to. Mahal na mahal kita." Tears flow. Alam mo yung nakakaiyak? Yung kahit sa huling pagkakataon, ikaw pa din yung iniisip niya. :( He even texted my friends to take care of me. Grabe. Sweet. :)
Tapos, i sent a group message to those people I know, and he knows. And that message shakes the world. Ang daming nagreply, some says, ayos ka lang ba?Hoy, babae, kaya mo yan. Wag ka na umiyak friend.Babalikan ka din ni idol. Pagbalik nun, macho na.
Tapos, mei mga gm pa na kasama pangalan nya. Aw. Para kong sinasaktan. Tapos, everyone keep on asking you, ayos ka lang ba? Anu bang dapat kong sabihin. If I should say, Yes, I'm okay, napakaplastik ko naman sa sarili ko. And If I say No, mei magtatanong pa kung bakit. Ayoko ng magexplain, di nila maiintindihan yung nararamdaman ko.
Unang araw kasi to, kaya puro iyak lang nagawa ko. Masasanay din ako. Anjan naman yung mga kaibigan nya para suportahan kami. Anjan mga kaibigan ko to cheer me up. Makakalagpas din tayo. Makakaya natin to. I love you so much ney. I miss you na agad. Come home na after that four long years ha. I'm waiting. :)
Last day. :| Tomorrow he'll be leaving. Tomorrow is the dawn of his dream. Tomorrow is the start of the long distance relationship I'm afraid to face. I'm feeling the pain of saying "Bye na, Ingat ka" as he ride the tricycle.
We attended the 10-11 mass in our church and it's eastern sunday. No one is prohibited to be sad. So kelangan, lumabag ako sa utos ng simbahan, kasi aalis na xa. I know, I'm the luckiest girl in town, because having him is one of those things I never expected. Late xa sa simbahan. Sumunod na lang xa. Then, we went straight to our house. Kabado xa xempre. :)
Until 5 pm, nandun xa. At kakauwi nya lang ngayon. :|
Thank you for keeping me up. For letting me share my everything with you. For letting me know those things I can handle. Thank you for sharing your things with me. Thank you for never giving me up. Thank you for all those ups and downs na nagpatatag ng relationship natin. Thank you for always being with me.
I know I'm gonna miss you. I know my heart will feel it's part. I love you. I will and always feel the same way. :|
Those perfect words never enter my mind because there was nothing in there but you. I felt every ounce of me, yelling out. But the sound was trapped deep in me. In the confusion and the upshot, you are my signal fire. The only resolution and the only joy is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes.
Someday, we'll set out on a journey. That day is definitely coming, right? It's even okay to throw everything else out. I am the person who needs you, and I would definitely be always smiling by your side. As it begins from here, the story of the two of us is filled with hopes and worries. If you were to start out on a journey, when that day comes. Let's begin there together.And if you're tired from flying so long, it's alright to rest your spirit up. I'll be right here.
I'll be here, as I am, waiting until you notice me once again.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I knew no other way than this, where 'I' does not exist, nor 'you'. So close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
There is something I can see in your eyes that no one else can see. It's the real you, the you, that you don't let people see, but I do, and I love him.
The inspiration to love you comes from the unexplainable sensation that comes from deep inside, the one that grows with every thought, every touch, and every word. Day by day, I crave more of you, live to see your face, and linger for that extra touch.
I know we've been through a lot. I had doubts, fears, pains but i'm still happy and I have learned to love you more each and every single day of my life. I hope this will last.
Everyone asked me, "paano na kayo?" Di ko naman alam kung anu yung tamang sagot dun. "Ewan ko. Ganun pa din" Yan lang yung madalas kong sagot. Sinabi ko sa kanya, pagkaalis nya, walang magbabago. Pero imposible yun, lahat ng bagay, kahit ano, pilit binabago ng panahon. Damn. Tagalog tong post na to. Kadurdur ng kaunti.
Pagkaalis nya sa monday, June na yung balik nya. Possible pa na mei nagaaral na ko nung mga panahon na yun. Panu na nga ba kami? Panu na yung March 7, 2009 namin?
Ang alam ko lang pagkaalis nya, una, xempre mamimiss ko sya. Pangalawa, mawawalan na ko ng text mate. Pangatlo, mawawalan ng kwenta phone ko. Hindi na ko makakaalis sa bahay, depende na lang kung birthday ng kaibigan. (Oops. Praise, Jeric, nakaline up na ko sa pagpunta sa inyo.)
So, eto na yun. Face your fears. Face the long distance relationship na kelan man hindi ako napaniwala na magwowork out. But I know, this time, we will work it out. We will last forever.
I can still remember the things we did together, the places we visited together, the conversations we had together, and the experiences we shared together. But right now, all I can hope for is to do more things with you, to visit more places with you, to have more conversations with you, to share more experiences with you. I will miss you Ney.I will miss being with you.I will certainly miss us.
I am running out of thought but I am not running of time. I am running and I know, I am always heading at you’re heart, in my home. I am running to be with you. I am running because it’s the only way and the only thing left for us to be together.
Nothing has to end. We will never end. I will always fall in love with our relationship all over again. Nothing will be stopped, because I will not lose something I have been treasuring. If I’m about to lose you, it will cause me too much pain and suffering. I know, you will not let me feel the same old shit happened a year ago and I know, you will not lead me to crying again. Tears will not flow on my cheeks, and my heart will not be breaking if you go. Because, I know, even if you’re million miles away from me, still, you’re heart is already taken by me and only me.
No words can describe how much I am happy for the way things used to be between us. Uncertain as I am, it seems like we are growing apart each passing day and even if some things changes we will never give up. I will never let you go. However, I have never thought that what we have will turn into something like this. You will never be one of those strangers in my magical life.
There will be no right time. Because being with you is one of those perfect times in my life. There will be no right places, right situations. Maybe what I feel now will never be enough for us to be happy, but after those four long years, we will be together.
I'm surely happy for you Kim. Good Luck to your never ending journey and I love you so much.
and yes, we're counting down for April 13 to come. His Maritime Academy of Asia and the Pacific life. Tsss. He passed and yes, he will pursue his higher education there. Our class, and of course, BEC's finest will go through a lot of hardships and sacrifices compared to those he experienced when we're on our hell high school days.
Ang daming requirements na kelangan. Even those underwears, kelangan color white talaga? Tapos, even the deodorant, kelangan 150 mL? Wuhahaha. LMAO. :))
Matagal din siyang mawawala. Matagal ding walang communication. Still, I will make it to a point, that everything will matter.
The title itself was a song. Nahihilig ata ako sa mga song title. :)
5 more days and I'll start the ayoko-pang-mag-aral thing, my college life. Yes. I have my plans as anyone do. Thinking if my first year will be tough or so I say. I will just reminisce something from somewhere. Okay. The drama will start, close your eyes now.
How are you going to live when your life was almost about him? How are you going to endure every single moment knowing he won't be there?
The time when we used to go to school together. Hahaha. Nakakatawa yung unang beses na yun and I think, huli na din. Ambilis mong maglakad kasi wala ka pang assignment sa Physics.
How I criticize other people and he would just agree with me. Hahaha. Yah. We're too bad. Siya lalo. :)
The way he saves me from the hell math and physics subject of ours.
How he go wild when I smile. Yes. Wild.
Sit next to each other after eating our lunch with our friends. Dun kna magkkwento ng mga chismis sakin.
That I know his friendster password and even his Yahoo account.
The way we sing together.
The way we laugh even at our corniest jokes.
How impatient I am when we had our Physics assignment and he'd volunteer to do it for me.
The way he treats me like a child.
How bad I miss us when it's raining.
How he doesn't want to see me with other boys because he's too afraid he might lose me. Boy. Sa'yo lang ako. Prames :D
The way he holds my hand and doesn't want to let go.
When people look strange at me because I'm pinching his nose.
How I can tell him everything and anything. Even my red alert. :)
How he looks like a kid when he says sorry.
How cute he is when he is mad.
How we fight our views into something and realizing that it's non sense and all that we know is, we love each other.
How he compare his high grades with mine. Hahaha. I know. Ikaw na. :)
That I still trust him no matter how negligent he gets.
When things get a little between the two of us, and the best way to escape is to eat and eat and we're fine.
When I'm too scared of the pain, but he always keeps me up and willing to stand up for me.
That no matter how many times we hurt each other I know that my sanctuary is still in his arms, in my home.
How he used to be my hero, my angeland my sweetest sin.
The title of this post was the song Kim once GM-ed to his friends even to me. Simple Plan once did it as a hit. :)
Okay. I think this post was before and after his arrival. Err. Reminiscing. I hate doing that thing.
"Do you ever miss him?" "Every day, every minute."
I feel a weird combination of freedom and despair. Freedom. Yes, I have a complete one. I can do everything without asking for his permission. But the loyalty, the faithfulness and the love I promise to last with him forever, always change my mind. He always says to me, " Ney, kung ayaw mo na sakin, sige lang ha. Naiintindihan ko naman e. mahirap tong sitwasyon natin." But the mere fact that I can, never change my mind. I am responsible for who and what will I become, and I will do it as though a I have my free will. Despair. It's something like this:
" I won't ever leave you even if you're always leaving me." " But I never want to leave you."
Yung 1 1/2 days nya dito, ambilis. Parang isang oras lang. Gusto kong magreklamo, umiyak, magsumbong, pero wala kong magagawa. Hay. Isang malalim na paghinga. Magisa nanaman. Wala nanaman sya.
"don't be critical about love. lahat yan mei tamang oras at tamang panahon. ngayon, magtiis muna tayo. pagkatpos neto, habangbuhay na."
he wrote that in his letter. nung nabasa ko, nabuhayan ako ng loob. nakakaiyak. nakakamiss. ang masakit, wala kang magawa. pero meron na pala. ansarap isipin na kaya pala sya nagtagal dun, kasi binigyan mo sya ng lakas ng loob. tiwala lang ney. makikita mo :)
Ay. Yesterday was our 3rd monthsary. Wee. We're together and I'm happy. I've touched those cheeks again and I lean on the same shoulder after a long time. Haha. Talo ka. You did it again. You first did it and I never insists you to do so. Anyways, namiss ko yun. Next labster's day again huh? Promise? :D
I want to go home with you na. I'm waiting until that perfect time comes. I love you so much ney. I'm waiting to see those matabang cheeks of yours. Hahaha. :)
E kasi, kanina nagpunta kami ng Marcelo ni Rossel para makakuha ko ng certification na kasama ko sa upper 25% ng graduates ng batch namin. Kasama naman ako e.Upper 5% pa nga. Hahaha. FYI, rank 65 ako over 1978 graduates. Pwede na magyabang. Hahaha :) Pero hindi tungkol dun yung blog ko. Mageemo lang ako ng unti ha :)
Sa pagpasok pa lang sa munting gate ng aking paaralan, iba na yung naisip ko.
Dati, hindi naman ganun yung pasukan, binabaha pa nga yun e. Antaas na ngayon ha. Dati, hindi ganun ka-approachable yung mga guards. Ngayon, tinulungan pa nila ko makita si Lamberto. Dati, kahit maraming tao dun, feeling ko safe ako. Ngayon, mukha silang mga *****. Dati, lahat sila nakauniform. Ngayon, puro sila pormahan. Malamang, maguniform daw ba para lang magenroll. Dati, lahat ng nakakasalubong ko kakilala ko. Ngayon, kahit isang pagmumukha, hindi ko makilala.
Nagbago na kaagad? Ambilis naman ata.
Habang nasa record section ako kanina, ang gara ng feeling. Parang dati lang, nanghihingi ako ng Form137 kasi kelangan para sa application sa UPCAT, ngayon, iba na yung hinihingi ko. Ambilis noh? Tapos, nakita ko pa si Mam Myrna Dela Cruz yung teacher ko sa General Science nung First year, nakakatouch kasi natatandaan pa niya kami . After mangulit ng mga teacher sa AP, pumunta na kami sa guard para itanong tong bagay na to:
Sel&Epi: Anu po bang kelangan para makapasok kami dito sa GABAG? Guards(madae kasi sila ) : Letter galing sa teacher in charge. Sel&Epi: Kei Mam Vivo po? Guards: Oo. Sa kanya. Sel&Epi: Ay. Oh sige po. Salamat. Sa susunod na pagkikita na lang ulit.
Dati lang, nangunguna yung section namin sa pagcheer sa apat kong kaklase nun. Ngayon, maglilipat na ng title si James. Kasabay na kaya nun yung pagsasabi na, Porwan, eto na yung huli nyung pagkikita? Wag naman sana. Ayoko.
Habang lumalabas kami ng gate, di ko mapigilang lumingon pabalik. Eto yung lugar na minsan nang naging saksi sa mga kahinaan ko sa buhay. Kasama ko to sa lahat ng achievements. Sa lahat ng happenings. Sa bawat tawa at iyak ng barkada. Yung Building A na tatlong taon kong tinirhan, yung init dun. Yung siksikang classroom. Lahat namimiss ko. Lalo yung mga taong kasama ko sa paghihirap. Sa lahat ng problem sa Physics. Sa lahat ng functions na tinuturo ni Mam Ana. Err. Ang cheesy ko.
Ayun. Nakalabas na ko Marcelo H. del Pilar National High School. Panahon para maggrow mag-isa. Panahon para lumibot pa sa ibang parte ng buhay. :)
Eto na yun, isa na ko sa alumni ng Marcelo. Nangako na nga ako nung graduation e. Habang tinititigan ko, nalulungkot ako lalo. Nakakaiyak pala. Ang hirap nila ilet go. Ang hirap ng malayo sila sa'yo. SILA LANG KASI e! (kasi e?)
Uh-oh. May1 . We've been apart for almost 2 weeks and I'm used to it. No text messages, no IMs, no sweet compliments and of course, I miss those simple fights with him.
Waa. It's been 4 days since the last post I have here. I miss typing out my emotions here. I'm still reading The Time Traveler's Wife and I'm enjoying every bit of it. As though, you feel the emotions in the story and you're on the scene itself. I dreamt of him, of Kim. I was with my classmates; I enjoy chatting with them, tell stories with them and making myself busy through them. But as I was watching my own dream, I realized Kim is not on the scene, on my ever-happy moment. Why? Is he leaving? Is he giving me up? Those realizations came up when I woke up. Dreams do come true, and I'm wishing this one will not. Sigh. Fighting.
Was he thinking or even, was he ever realized the joy he made me feel when I’m inside his ever beautiful-amazing universe? He holds me as if I’m precious, a gem, and a treasure. I hate to break your heart; I hate to break any promise. I hate to see you go.
As I keep myself busy, time goes faster. Good. I’m waiting for him, knowing where he is. It’s so hard to be the one who stays, wondering if he’s okay. The tears that flow down were too thick for me to imagine his features again, and that was rude. I only had until nightfall for sure, with the limit that ended the dream-like story, like a fairytale. I stared at our picture, wishing that this two enchanting characters would be in each other’s arms more than anyone. Wishing that what they have now would last forever, or, if it couldn’t, the other one may stop existing. I know he wants to pursue his dreams, no matter what sacrifice it’ll cost me.
There will be no more reasons more than anything. I want to be where he is now, but I can’t follow. I should pursue my dreams also, my economist life.
I know and I’ve realized, that when you love someone, you will give everything without even thinking twice. Every now and then, my heart is in to hope that someday, he’ll be around, that someday we will be a typical couple loving each other. I know I’ve made a foolish game with you, but I know, you don’t deserve something like that. Leaving him is one of those things that doesn’t enter my mind. Because I know, I’m waiting for him, my everything.
I was scared of losing him, of losing myself again. I couldn't make myself leave. I can wait for him, even if it takes a lot of courage to do. Even if it takes a lot of bravery to face everyday without him. I’m scared of losing him. I’m scared but I’m hoping that one day, I’ll be on the page of our happily ever after story. I miss you ney. Hoping to see you soon. I’m doing great in here. :(
I went to University of the Philippines, Pampanga. Mali pala na ganyan. Dapat UPDEPP. I'm not sure sa meaning e. Try ko ha. University of the Philippines Diliman Extension Program in Pampanga. Haha. Hula ko. :)
We went straight to the university, maaga pa. So nanay and I decided to go to Aling Lumeng's dormitory. Haha. Swak. Mei dorm agad ako. Aircon ang room, mei food na. Kaso malayo pa din sa school. Keri na, yun na ata pinakamalapit na dorm sa school e, malayo na yung iba. We went back to UPDEPP, and I've easily passed my credentials. I met there, Diana, former HSAians. Tama ba? HAHA. Fortunately, dorm mate ko sya, room 1 xa, room 2 ako. Good. Mei kakilala na ko. Andun din sa dorm si Ate Ellen, Ate Mitch, Ate Neri former Einsteins and Ate Amarie, former Newton.
Umuwi din kami agad. So yun, balik ako sa pagddrama. Hahahaha. :)
You are safe here in my arms Never fear i’ll be beside you Feel my love, touching your soul Holding you closer as i whisper to you
I will never leave you hold on tight Promise to stay forever by your side I will never leave you promise i Stay forever i will never leave you behind
Stay with me and you will see I will be the one who been dreaming I won’t hurt the heart that you’ve given And never be wounded in my arms i promise
I will never leave you hold on tight Promise to stay forever by your side And i will always love you promise i Stay forever i will never leave you behind
And every moment, every minute, every hour of my life I intend to live my whole life with you I will be your home and live the same forever in my arms And will make it through
I will never leave you hold on tight Promise to stay forever by your side I will never leave you promise i Stay forever i will never leave you behind
I’ll be with you… whenever, whenever, whenever.. Promise i stay forever I will never leave you behind You are safe here in my arms ‘coz i will never leave you Leave you behind
April 13. Tsk. Ngayon ako naniniwala, joke ang araw na to. :(
Nagising ako ng around 2:30 am, alam ko gising na sya nun kasi 3am dapat nasa Tabang na sya to meet other dreamers. Haha. :) Pero I still doubt to text him, ewan ba. Pero nung exact 3am na, tinext ko na sya. I said, all those bilins I have for him. Take care of himself, eat the right foods, don't skip meals, and love me of course. So, we texted each other even if it's too early for me. Walang alarm clock na nanggising sakin that time, pagmamahal ang gumising sa natutulog na bata. He called me, and he kept on saying, mahal na mahal kita ney, magiingat ka ha, alagaan mo yung sarili mo. I don't have any plans to cry, to flow those liquids down to my lips. Pero, hindi ko napigilan, kinanta pa niya yung forevermore. Sinong di maiiyak? Pero, na-end ko accidentally yung call. Sayang. Magkatext pa din. I said, ako na lang tatawag. Lahat na ng bilin, sinabi nya sakin. He even cried, I felt it.
5:30 yun, sabi ko sa kanya. I want to sleep first. Inaantok ako, and I told him I love him inspite of the long distance we have now. I woke up again at around 6:45 am. I texted him if I can call him na and he said yes. So, yun, as I dialed his number, silence lang. Walang nagsasalita. So I stop na. I texted him, he said why I don't bother to react in everything he says. Sabi ko, wala akong naririnig. Then, time pass by, 7:45 na, time to say goodbye. His text message goes like this. " Ney, bye na. Last text na to. Mahal na mahal kita." Tears flow. Alam mo yung nakakaiyak? Yung kahit sa huling pagkakataon, ikaw pa din yung iniisip niya. :( He even texted my friends to take care of me. Grabe. Sweet. :)
Tapos, i sent a group message to those people I know, and he knows. And that message shakes the world. Ang daming nagreply, some says, ayos ka lang ba?Hoy, babae, kaya mo yan. Wag ka na umiyak friend.Babalikan ka din ni idol. Pagbalik nun, macho na.
Tapos, mei mga gm pa na kasama pangalan nya. Aw. Para kong sinasaktan. Tapos, everyone keep on asking you, ayos ka lang ba? Anu bang dapat kong sabihin. If I should say, Yes, I'm okay, napakaplastik ko naman sa sarili ko. And If I say No, mei magtatanong pa kung bakit. Ayoko ng magexplain, di nila maiintindihan yung nararamdaman ko.
Unang araw kasi to, kaya puro iyak lang nagawa ko. Masasanay din ako. Anjan naman yung mga kaibigan nya para suportahan kami. Anjan mga kaibigan ko to cheer me up. Makakalagpas din tayo. Makakaya natin to. I love you so much ney. I miss you na agad. Come home na after that four long years ha. I'm waiting. :)
Last day. :| Tomorrow he'll be leaving. Tomorrow is the dawn of his dream. Tomorrow is the start of the long distance relationship I'm afraid to face. I'm feeling the pain of saying "Bye na, Ingat ka" as he ride the tricycle.
We attended the 10-11 mass in our church and it's eastern sunday. No one is prohibited to be sad. So kelangan, lumabag ako sa utos ng simbahan, kasi aalis na xa. I know, I'm the luckiest girl in town, because having him is one of those things I never expected. Late xa sa simbahan. Sumunod na lang xa. Then, we went straight to our house. Kabado xa xempre. :)
Until 5 pm, nandun xa. At kakauwi nya lang ngayon. :|
Thank you for keeping me up. For letting me share my everything with you. For letting me know those things I can handle. Thank you for sharing your things with me. Thank you for never giving me up. Thank you for all those ups and downs na nagpatatag ng relationship natin. Thank you for always being with me.
I know I'm gonna miss you. I know my heart will feel it's part. I love you. I will and always feel the same way. :|
Those perfect words never enter my mind because there was nothing in there but you. I felt every ounce of me, yelling out. But the sound was trapped deep in me. In the confusion and the upshot, you are my signal fire. The only resolution and the only joy is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes.
Someday, we'll set out on a journey. That day is definitely coming, right? It's even okay to throw everything else out. I am the person who needs you, and I would definitely be always smiling by your side. As it begins from here, the story of the two of us is filled with hopes and worries. If you were to start out on a journey, when that day comes. Let's begin there together.And if you're tired from flying so long, it's alright to rest your spirit up. I'll be right here.
I'll be here, as I am, waiting until you notice me once again.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I knew no other way than this, where 'I' does not exist, nor 'you'. So close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
There is something I can see in your eyes that no one else can see. It's the real you, the you, that you don't let people see, but I do, and I love him.
The inspiration to love you comes from the unexplainable sensation that comes from deep inside, the one that grows with every thought, every touch, and every word. Day by day, I crave more of you, live to see your face, and linger for that extra touch.
I know we've been through a lot. I had doubts, fears, pains but i'm still happy and I have learned to love you more each and every single day of my life. I hope this will last.
Everyone asked me, "paano na kayo?" Di ko naman alam kung anu yung tamang sagot dun. "Ewan ko. Ganun pa din" Yan lang yung madalas kong sagot. Sinabi ko sa kanya, pagkaalis nya, walang magbabago. Pero imposible yun, lahat ng bagay, kahit ano, pilit binabago ng panahon. Damn. Tagalog tong post na to. Kadurdur ng kaunti.
Pagkaalis nya sa monday, June na yung balik nya. Possible pa na mei nagaaral na ko nung mga panahon na yun. Panu na nga ba kami? Panu na yung March 7, 2009 namin?
Ang alam ko lang pagkaalis nya, una, xempre mamimiss ko sya. Pangalawa, mawawalan na ko ng text mate. Pangatlo, mawawalan ng kwenta phone ko. Hindi na ko makakaalis sa bahay, depende na lang kung birthday ng kaibigan. (Oops. Praise, Jeric, nakaline up na ko sa pagpunta sa inyo.)
So, eto na yun. Face your fears. Face the long distance relationship na kelan man hindi ako napaniwala na magwowork out. But I know, this time, we will work it out. We will last forever.
I can still remember the things we did together, the places we visited together, the conversations we had together, and the experiences we shared together. But right now, all I can hope for is to do more things with you, to visit more places with you, to have more conversations with you, to share more experiences with you. I will miss you Ney.I will miss being with you.I will certainly miss us.
I am running out of thought but I am not running of time. I am running and I know, I am always heading at you’re heart, in my home. I am running to be with you. I am running because it’s the only way and the only thing left for us to be together.
Nothing has to end. We will never end. I will always fall in love with our relationship all over again. Nothing will be stopped, because I will not lose something I have been treasuring. If I’m about to lose you, it will cause me too much pain and suffering. I know, you will not let me feel the same old shit happened a year ago and I know, you will not lead me to crying again. Tears will not flow on my cheeks, and my heart will not be breaking if you go. Because, I know, even if you’re million miles away from me, still, you’re heart is already taken by me and only me.
No words can describe how much I am happy for the way things used to be between us. Uncertain as I am, it seems like we are growing apart each passing day and even if some things changes we will never give up. I will never let you go. However, I have never thought that what we have will turn into something like this. You will never be one of those strangers in my magical life.
There will be no right time. Because being with you is one of those perfect times in my life. There will be no right places, right situations. Maybe what I feel now will never be enough for us to be happy, but after those four long years, we will be together.
I'm surely happy for you Kim. Good Luck to your never ending journey and I love you so much.
and yes, we're counting down for April 13 to come. His Maritime Academy of Asia and the Pacific life. Tsss. He passed and yes, he will pursue his higher education there. Our class, and of course, BEC's finest will go through a lot of hardships and sacrifices compared to those he experienced when we're on our hell high school days.
Ang daming requirements na kelangan. Even those underwears, kelangan color white talaga? Tapos, even the deodorant, kelangan 150 mL? Wuhahaha. LMAO. :))
Matagal din siyang mawawala. Matagal ding walang communication. Still, I will make it to a point, that everything will matter.
Hi. Thanks for dropping by. BTW, everything here is under my spell. So don’t try to copy then paste something. Leave everything in here. Okay?
FYI. All things published here was one of those pieces happened in my enjoy-every-moment of my life. I'm a blogger since you'd find your way here. :) I'm not good in grammar so don't expect a perfect and straight one here. If you're unhappy, then you're free to leave.
» Young Lady. «
APRIL JOYCE ARANETA CANDOR
15 years young. Freshie at University of the Philippines Diliman Extension Program in Pampanga and currently taking up BA Business Economics. Unique and of course, one of a kind. Violet. Pictures. Photo editing. Food. is surely love.
Music lighten down our spirit and force us to reminisce something or even someone. All it takes is just one song to remember one simple and meaningful event in one's life.
Habang tinititigan ko, nalulungkot ako lalo. Nakakaiyak pala. Ang hirap nila ilet go. Ang hirap ng malayo sila sa'yo. SILA LANG KASI e! (kasi e?)
